18 Signs You May Have Enough Kids

There’s nothing quite like a good dose of school holidays to make you assess your life choices.


I mean, I adore those little dirtbags but man … there’s four of them. FOUR. What was I thinking? Not about logistics, that’s for sure. #deathbydobbing

I’m looking at all of your posts – all of you sensible folk with one or two kids – all of you that are going to theme parks, visiting friends, eating out, seeing shows, enjoying the beach. Oh yeah, I know we go to the beach too – the key word there was enjoying.

Four. It’s not that huge. I have friends with five … and some with even more, *gulps and wonders if one can get their tubes tied twice* but it’s getting up there.

Four is enough of a number to notice that life has maybe moved beyond the ‘regular’, enough of a number to realise that one more might be pushing the envelope. Life is probably showing you signs that maybe you have enough kids and I’ve listed a few of them for you here.

18 signs that you might have enough kids …

You assess the need for discipline on a ‘Did anybody die?’ basis.

Kid number four is eating out of the bin and you think “Yes! One less for lunch today.”

You buckle everyone into their carseats noticing one is vacant, and it takes you 10 minutes to work out who is missing.

Rather than write everyone’s names, your gift cards are signed ‘Us’.

The stash of numerical birthday candles in your third drawer would allow you to cater the party of a 98765432110 year old.

Your eggs come in cartons of 48.

When responding to a misbehaving child, it takes you a minimum of three attempts to get their name right.

Your friends come to visit then leave … via the vasectomy clinic.

When you go out to a restau … JUST KIDDING! As if.

You begin a game of hide’n’seek and tell the kids you’ll come find them after you count to eight-million.

The dude at the bottle-shop greets you with “Your usual?”

You see comets more often than you see the bottom of the laundry hamper.

It’s occurred to you that Brad and Ange don’t have with one with red hair, and you notice that you have some spare …

There’s not enough circles on a game of Twister.

You’ve joined the gym, purely so you can have a shower in peace.

You can use the ‘groups’ entrance at theme parks.

You call the hairdressers and they need to clear the whole day to fit you all in.

Milk consumption means you’ve seriously assessed the viability of having your own cow.

Have you got a bunch of kids? What would you include on this list?

Pro-wine, anti-bra and possibly the world’s most unenthusiastic driver, Gold Coaster, Rebel Wylie has been writing and editing parenting titles for several years, covering everything from baby vom to interviewing celebrities and everything in between. She has also managed to keep four kids of her own fed, mostly clothed and functioning with two, max five catastrophes per week. You can read more of Rebel at Families Magazine – Gold Coast, or on her personal blog Rebel Without A Pause.

  1. Profile photo of Meegan
    Meegan 5 months ago

    After studying all of the ‘family’ emojis, you realise there just isn’t enough room in one character for 6 faces!

  2. Profile photo of Karen
    Karen 5 months ago

    When you sell your people mover and buy a van.
    When you need work on your shoulder from carrying multiple baby capsules over the years.
    When you take a deep breath to call all your children and no one is even in trouble.
    When family offer to pay for contraception.
    When family offer to cut his off and weld yours shut.
    When bunks are logistical not fun.
    When you buy two dinner sets to feed the family or three so you can have guests.
    When you youngest gets called number six more than his name.
    Should I go on 😂😂😂. Mum of six (seven if you count my partner 😉)

  3. Profile photo of Flo
    Flo 5 months ago

    Well, I’ve got two and I think I’ve had enough already… 😳

  4. Profile photo of Carla M
    Carla M 5 months ago

    When you wake in the middle of the night and panic cos you remember picking three up from after school activities and you have to get up and go count the buggers to make sure they’re all there!

    When you go to the supermarket and unload the groceries with a toy Lord of the Rings full-size sword in your left hand to fend off ‘starving’ hoards who just ate the last box of weetbix ten seconds ago…

    When you’re at a playground and you start chatting with a cool Queen and she’s like, “Oh there’s mine,” and you reply, “Um, yeah, there’s one, I think, and another over there stealing that kids swing, and that might be one of mine heading off to town with my wallet, and I’m sure I have one more, but fuck knows where that little f*4*er (I mean angel) has gone!”

    When you meet another awesome Queen at a party of one of your friends and they ask how many you have and you say, sheepishly, four and they just stare at you and you instantly feel like a. a whore b. a teenage parent c. globally and socially irresponsible.

    When you sit on the couch and yell “Family Pile” and brace for the enormous cuddle-crush of four tall, gangly, pillars of LOVE!!!!!!!

    I love my four kids dearly – they’re each so different, amazing, HUGE and super fucking COOL! But sometimes I daydream about just selling some shit and buying a one-way ticket somewhere! Fortunately, I’m at winning end… 18, 16, 12, and 10! 8 Years to go and the buggers will all be fending for themselves! PHEW!

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