- August 11, 2016 at 7:32 pm #6345FloParticipant
Hiya queens. I really need to vent. I’m in tears but that’s not so extraordinary: it happens a lot lately. The problem is I feel like a real bad mother. My oldest son (4yo) is autistic and although he is a charm and I love him to death, he sometimes drives me insane. I feel like I’m not handling this shit. Being a psychologist, I feel I should do better. I have all the knowledge and the tools but now that it’s my own child, I’m just no good. It’s just that I’m so damn tired all of the time. I get up tired and feel tired all day and go to sleep feeling tired. I’m a fulltime mom and although that’s how I wanted it, I chose this life, I’m so jealous of my husband who goes to work in the morning. Man, would I love to be in some boring meeting. I love my two boys very much and I want to be a mom who has fun with her kids and teaches them things and instead I get annoyed when they cry or call me or spill or I have to wipe their butts. I smile at them, and think “just leave me alone for one fucking second!”. I yell and I even slapped my son’s butt.
The other day my husband let me sleep in. I woke up, not feeling exhausted. That entire day I was a sweet, inventive, patient, fun mom. To think I could be this mom if I just wasn’t tired all the time.
The last two years were very tough for me. My last pregnancy was hard, we didn’t know if our baby was gonna be okay and I suffered from severe pelvic instability. I almost died delivering him, and it took quite some time to recover. He’s now 16mo and I feel like I never really recovered at all. I’m just not who I was before.
Hopefully, I don’t sound like I’m full of self pity. I guess I’m just hoping I’m not the only shit mom around 😏
If you read this, thanks for hearing me out. I feel better already just writing this down.
Love, Flo.August 16, 2016 at 7:22 am #6381SebParticipant
I think we all feel like shit mums at some point, but that’s why we are here. We all need to feel like a Queen too.
I have a special needs child too and sometimes it can be so friggin hard. I don’t care what your background is, whether you are a psychologist, a rocket scientist or a check out chick; it is hard. Doesn’t matter how much knowledge you think you have, dealing with it personally is so much different to theory.
Keep on battling through. I know hubby can’t always let you sleep in, life doesn’t work like that, but when the opportunity arises, TAKE IT. Just keep on keeping on, recover slowly, things will improve.August 24, 2016 at 4:53 pm #6457NicParticipant
If you were a shit mum you wouldn’t care. As mums I think we are always our own worst critic.
You have to give yourself a break. If you need five minutes, make sure the kids are safe and scream into a pillow.
Could your husband give you a weekend a month to rest and relax?
Or a night off to recharge.
Maybe you could take it turns every few weeks.
You sound like you’re doing an amazing job xxxxSeptember 19, 2016 at 5:51 pm #6696FloParticipant
Thank you, fellow queens. It’s a great feeling, knowing you’re not alone. Apreciate it 😙September 20, 2016 at 3:45 pm #6720Melanie JaneParticipant
Flo, as Constance said a few blogs ago, if you were a shit mum you wouldn’t care so the fact you care means you are NOT a shit mum. It’s easier to be patient when you’re not sleep deprived! It is bloody hard being a stay at home mum not because of what you’re doing exactly but because it never ends and you don’t get chill out time to yourself. Be gentle on yourself xxSeptember 20, 2016 at 3:46 pm #6721Melanie JaneParticipant
And don’t underestimate recovery time from a hard pregnancy x
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