Scared to have another child

This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of JessieRose JessieRose 4 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #6487
    Profile photo of Queen_Vic Queen_Vic 
    Participant

    My husband & I have always wanted 2 kids.

    We have a 2 year old boy. I had prenatal anxiety all through pregnancy & then got postnatal depression and anxiety after he was born. I also struggled with sleep, settling him, breastfeeding & introducing solids.

    Now I’m struggling with his behaviour – so many tantrums, incredibly stubborn, refuses to listen to me, lashes out physically if I attempt to redirect him, struggling to set boundaries etc. I’ve been assured it’s normal behaviour for his age but I find it incredibly hard to deal with.

    So now Im scared to try for another child as I don’t know how on earth i would cope with 2. Especially if we have similar issues again the second time around.

    Both hubby & I want a 2nd but I just don’t know if I’ll cope. I already feel like a bad mum & that I’ve let my son down, I don’t want to go through all of that again

    Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you decide to try again? And how did you cope with 2?

    #6501
    Profile photo of Chany Hutch Chany Hutch 
    Participant

    Hi Queen Vic,

    Firstly you are an awesome mum doing the best that you can!! You have not let your son down at all. Kids can be hard work and trying at times.

    I have not been in a similar situation to yourself, however I do have 2 kids. They are 2 years apart, my eldest is almost 4 and the youngest 2.

    My husband and I were the same. We had always wanted 2 kids so when my eldest turned 1 we decided it was time to have another. The decision was easy and so was falling, but I then spent the next 9months of my pregnancy in tears because I thought we had made a mistake.

    Now I wouldn’t change it for the world even if it can be difficult. I found though that by having my 2nd it really helped my eldest. He was very shy & introverted but now he is more willing to have a go when he can see that his sister is doing it.

    It has also helped to teach him to share & provides someone to play with that isn’t an adult.

    I know this doesn’t help with your situation very much but I just though I would share my experience.

    Best of luck xx

    #6792
    Profile photo of Nadeen slater Nadeen slater 
    Participant

    You amazing beautiful queen you I have 2 girls aged 6 and 9 and oh boy did I have a mega freek out over having number 2!!!!! But u know what that are bestie sand hate each other more then life itself ha ha ha 😉 I say jump!!!! Do it thay will have a friend for life xxxxx

    #6915
    Profile photo of No title required No title required 
    Participant

    You say you have ‘always’ wanted two kids, but you can change your mind you know, especially after all you have been through.

    Maybe your husband won’t want you to go through what you went through again either so he may have changed his mind, or you at least need to have a plan going forward on how you can both support 2 kids when one has taken up so much physical and mental energy.

    You don’t have a second kid just because that was the plan before you had one kid.

    #6970
    Profile photo of JessieRose JessieRose 
    Participant

    Your first son sounds just like mine! So much energy, so much stubbornness, so much opinion. Every single milestone seems to be a huge effort from getting him to eat a meal, to trimming his nails or toilet training. If he doesn’t want to do it, he won’t! I was terrified of having another one but knew I hadn’t finished my family.
    So I just went for it when he was 18months, spent my whole pregnancy freaking out. I was sssooo prepared it was funny. I didn’t need to cook for 3 months I had that much food in the freezer and I had useful visitors booked into my calendar for the first two months straight.
    My son broke my heart when my daughter appeared, his stubbornness meant he did let me touch him for a fortnight. But I have found that she has in fact improved his behaviour in the short 5 months she has been here. He has learnt to share me, my time and toys. It took a while but now when I say “you just have to wait” he does no complaints 😊 He now calls her “my Gala” short for Abigail and talks about her fondly 😍
    In regards to my daughter, the first 6wks were tough. Normal 2 hourly waking, colicky, not settling, bit of a night owl which doesn’t work well with a toddler that wakes at 5am. Then at 6wks she slept for 10hrs straight and just suddenly seemed settled.
    My daughter is a cuddly, smiley, falls asleep wherever never complains unless she is pooey, hungry or I have been ignoring her for a stupididly long period of time. She is totally the opposite to my son.
    I wouldn’t want to reply on my story but I’d like to think you could be pleasantly supposed if you expect the worst!

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