- January 30, 2017 at 6:13 am #7595Marsha mom1stParticipant
Hi ladies, haven’t been here for a while but need some queenness badly. I’ve had a though pregnancy, was sick from week 6 ’till the baby was out. After that life was normal for a while, normal new baby/new parents stuff. Than, when my baby was 8 weeks old a friend let me know her baby from 4,5 months old died! (A born baby, not a miscarrige.) at that time it all went downwards. I was so afraid something could happen to my baby, I wouldn’t let him with anyone else and kept a close eye. His dad is a bit of a no nonsens guy and he didn’t have any experience with babys. He became a bit insecure around me with the baby and finally I just took over. I did everything on my own an didn’t bother to ask him anymore. After all he said I could do it faster or better or anything if I asked him for anything. We didn’t live together but just 100m apart. I found him not to be considerend enough. He didn’t want to put the tv down or things like that, while our sensitive boy didn’t want to sleep because of it. What kept me in the bedroom all night trying to get baby to sleep. So I thought baby and I would be better off sleeping at my place. There was almost no physical contact anymore what frustrated me aswell. I totally checked out of the relationship. We ate there most evenings because I found he had the right to spend time with his son. But I was basically waiting for when I could go home. So as you can expect we broke up. Baby 1,5 years old. I thought we would be back together again just needed time apart and I needed time to get my shit on order (I lost my buisiness and had serious moneyproblems) After we broke up I found out he was dating a girl I knew. When we were in the end of our relationship I saw something was going on there but was not able to do anything about it. He didn’t cheat. But I think there were feelings at least. And flirting. That smacked me so hard back in to reality that I finally realised I had a postnatal depression all this time. That was the reason of my irrational behaviour and anger towards him. I didn’t regonize thus because my little boy is everything to me and I thought pnd was always about being dissapointed in being a mom, not liking you child and all. I had the other side. The overprotected and kicking everybody away version. Now my heart is so so broken, smashed. I want this guy back so badly. I cry so much what makes me feel like a shitmum!! Why can’t I be happy having the most fantastic kid, but am I so unhappy because his dad left me?! I feel totally left, replaced. And angry and sad. Like he didn’t give me a canche. He did though. For 1,5 years. But not after finding out about my pnd. That it was not my fault. I was sick. Im so depressed noe because he’s moved on. I don’t know if I have a chance of getting him back but am trying and keep trying. Im so broken and din’t know what to do. How to feel better. I still breastfeed and an teying to wean him off now because I feel that is nog helping my state of mind hormonally. Sorry for this ‘book’ and fel it’s not all at all… Any reactions whatsoever are welcome.February 9, 2017 at 5:35 am #7620Kate111Participant
Thanks for sharing your experience, I was reading this in the middle of the night whilst up with my little one and felt moved by it.
I’m sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time at the moment. Although I don’t have experience of post natal depression, I have had depression before and can relate to how it might make you behave in a relationship which is difficult for the other person. It can also be difficult for the man in a relationship to find their place in being a new parent and they can have their confidence knocked easily when Mum just seems to do things better which you have touched on!
I was just wondering if you have really explained to him how you feel like you have on here and told him how you feel your depression had an effect on your relationship so he can try and understand. It sounds like you think he might have moved on though but at least you would have said all there is to say. Please don’t feel like you’re a bad Mum because you are upset about your relationship. That doesn’t make you a bad Mum at all!! We all need to feel happy in lots of different areas of our lives.
Either way I hope you can find some peace to move forward.
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