- August 18, 2016 at 6:29 pm #6397JaimeParticipant
My partner of 13 years was hinting that he’d like to have another kid. I’m nearly 35, which isn’t a huge deal I guess, but the idea is less than thrilling to me. I feel that it took nearly 4 years to fully recover from my first child. Having my daughter was a huge shock and it took me a very long time to adjust to the demands and feel like “myself” again. We are now in a very comfortable routine. She starts Kindergarten in 3 weeks. No more daycare ($1100 a month back our pockets), she’s self sufficient, she’s well behaved, happy, healthy, brilliant (of course) etc. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it, right?
Honestly, having another kid is truly terrifying, completely unappealing and just not on my radar. I look at other folks my age having kids, and I’m just like “Ugh, so glad I’m not you right now. Been there, done that.” There is a guilt factor here, especially since I’m so anti-baby right now. I’m a very good mother and love my family. I just like us as a three-some and nothing more. We are happy and I feel complete. I think a new baby would be very disruptive and not worth the stress at this stage in my life. I know that a lot of “mommies” out there would be extremely judgmental towards my staunch anti-baby convictions.
I guess I’m looking for a kindred spirit when it comes to this matter. I need validation.August 19, 2016 at 2:26 pm #6400FloParticipant
This seems like an open and shut case to me? You’re done having kids. Some mom’s aren’t done until they had 4 or 5 kids, and you are done with one kid. She sounds wonderful, you sound like you’re happy with your life now, all sounds great to me! I’m not sure why you feel guilty: is it for your husband because he wants something you don’t want? Or for your kid because she won’t have siblings?
I think you’re being very sensible not diving into another pregnancy, but really considering and acknowledging what it is you want. And there will always be mommies and other people who will judge you, no matter what you do. I think you’re being smart, not selfish.
I hope you can work things out with you’re partner!
Love, Flo.August 19, 2016 at 8:37 pm #6403MariaParticipant
Hi jaimie. There’s no need to feel guilty, motherhood is hard and it takes a lot to be able to raise multiple children. I’m in the same boat as you, honestly after the experience that I’ve The first time, I just cannot put myself through that again. You’re a great mumma so spoil your kid with all the love in the world and just enjoy herAugust 23, 2016 at 6:58 pm #6447MeganParticipant
Maybe talk to your husband and explain everything throughly.
We only have 1 child my partner never wanted children I wanted 2 but after my son and he was born with a rare generic medical condition that could be heredity so we stopped at one and glad we did I also got awful pnd for like 4 yrs afterward it was awful.
The 4 months ago I got diagnosed with a large cyst on one of my ovaries so that had to be removed and they took both tubes too so I hopefully don’t get another one so definitely done now.October 18, 2016 at 8:51 pm #6973JessieRoseParticipant
I’m an only child, when my mum is asked why she never had anymore she just replies “I got it right the first time, how can you improve on perfection?” ☺️
Truth being, she didn’t feel she had the support around her needed. She also had type 1 diabetes and the health risks are high. But you know what? It was her decision and no one else’s business.December 21, 2016 at 2:26 pm #7441CandiceParticipant
I only have one child. I have endured many of the “its so selfish” to only have one kid speeches. My son wasn’t planned, but we chose to make the the best of it and be the best parents we can be. I had a case of PND that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone and really not up for that kind of a journey again, even if I know better now. Fuck everyone, seriously, its your choice. Some women want to have a few kids, I am not that kind of woman. I didn’t want one, but now that I have one, I cannot imagine my life without him. But that doesn’t mean I need to have more. Our son is 9 and we love the little weirdo that he is. My partner also has 21 year old daughter, when I get asked about more kids I say he is too old and had his factory closed. That generally creates an awkward silence and then we move on.
other people don’t pay your medical bills, feed your baby every 2 hours, walk the passage at 2am to get your baby to sleep… you do. So they can fly and fill the world with their offspring. Don’t worry about it.January 6, 2017 at 5:20 pm #7516SezFParticipant
OMG! So I just went for my pre op for my tubal ligation.
I have 4 beautiful kids!!!!
Some days I’m jealous of queens confident enough to only have 1!!
I TOTALLY get the question of life’s good why complicate it thing!!!!
I had 2 kids when I met my actual husband!! And was happy to have 3. Then he wanted four.
I haven’t had a baby under 8 pound. And by oldest is 8yo. My youngest is 2.
My body is so effed!! Not on the outside (well that’s not what I’m really worried about) but it hurts, inside. it creaks it pulls. I’m unfit. I had a 6cm seperation!!! 😞😞😞.
Don’t feel bad. Just try to explain your fear to hubby. He will prob understand!!!!
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