This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by Anonymous 2 months, 2 weeks ago.
- October 16, 2016 at 7:24 am #6951flowercaitParticipant
All my friends tell me to do different things, I think I just need the advice of people who aren’t involved in my life.
Sorry, this will be a long one.
So basically, I had been with this boy since March of this year. We had kind of been a friends with benefits thing before so both had feelings long before this. He was always the one pushing for more than this and all my friends would ask me constantly when we were going to go out. One night I went over to his with a couple of our best friends (I come from a small town so everyone knows each other, all our friends are friends) to watch films, and we end up having sex (both of our first time). I was still not sure about a relationship, but I asked anyways feeling like it would stop the pressure from everyone. Things moved quite quickly and we both had really strong feelings for each other, but he’s was always saying he’s isn’t good enough for me and that I deserve better even though I would assure him that he’s all I want. We are really different people, I know what I want from life (marriage, kids, good job). However, he’s more go with the flow and is adamant he will never get married or have kids and doesn’t really have a goal in life. He always said he could never give me what I wanted.
During Summer I went on a two-week trip and decided to go on the pill so that I don’t get my period during it. This is definitely my biggest regret. I just wasn’t the same person anymore, I didn’t laugh at his jokes, cried all the time and it was really worrying him. I put it down to the pill as I wasn’t like this before I took it. I continued on it for two months, ignoring him telling me to stop. I just thought I would get used to it but nothing changed. So I eventually stopped but I think it was still having an effect on me.
We were both in our last year of high school, figuring out what we wanted to do. We had fallen out a few times about whether we should stay together if we ended up in different cities. Sometimes it would be him saying we had to and me suggesting it maybe would be best if we just were friends and other times the other way around. In the end, he was sure he wanted to stay together (at this point he had a place at college and I was still waiting to hear back from one that was 4 hours away from his and one that was just over an hour). We spent all summer together, both working multiple jobs to save up and making time for each other even though we lived an hour apart. I got a place at the college an hour away from his and we were happy.
One night he seemed off, but I just left it. The next morning I messaged him to ask if anything was up and he asked to phone me. This threw me, we never talked on the phone always skyped each other. I knew something was up. He broke up with me saying that it would make him too unhappy only seeing me at weekends (he told my friend that if I lived in the same city we would still be together), I asked if we could try a break but he didn’t see the point. We agreed that it would be easier for everyone involved as well as ourselves that we remained on good terms. I just didn’t want it to be awkward for our friends when we were around each other. A few days passed and I went on safari on my phone and realised that his facebook was still logged in. I know I shouldn’t have but I read his messages, and he told one of our mutual friends that he had sex with his flat mate hours after he ended things with me. I was a mess, it felt like the 5 months I spend with him meant absolutely nothing and he’d just wasted my time. I just didn’t think he was like this at all. I asked him about it and just admitted that his facebook was logged in on my phone. He was really angry that I didn’t just log out, and I felt really bad about it all. But he eventually forgave me, telling me that he doesn’t know why but he needed me in his life. I don’t regret finding those messages because I never would have been told about him with that other girl and then would have looked like a total idiot being his friend.
I have seen him multiple times. Our lives just cross paths so much. I’ve been to his flat for parties and get togethers, it’s just not possible to be in each other’s lives at the moment. I went round the other to his the other day, with a few of my friends and had a few drinks. Me and one of my friends decided it would be easier if we just stayed on the couches and him and his flat mates were fine with that. I ended up in his bed with him somehow and we just talked and laughed and annoyed each other, like before. We ended up kissing, I stopped him to ask if this was what he wanted and he said he wanted to make things work, I told him we could just see how it goes and he agreed. We had sex and I left in the morning not having a clue where I stood.
I messaged him and asked if he meant what he said or if it was just drunk him talking and he said he wants to talk more. I’m just going to leave it and see if he’s going to make the effort. I’m trying not to get my hopes up because I’m still not even sure if this would be the right time for me at this time in my life.
I left loads of extra little bits out but this is just the basics, hope it makes sense.December 7, 2016 at 8:10 am #7298Anonymous
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