- December 23, 2016 at 5:29 pm #7458FloParticipant
Hi queens. A friend of mine told me that she’s pregnant with her 3rd child. Which of course is great for her, especially since she had a miscarriage last year and this pregnancy looks good and healthy. And I’m trying really really hard to be happy for her but I’m just so sad. And jealous. I hate myself for it, and that’s not right either, so I’m giving myself a hard time.
I have two amazing boys, 4yo and 20mo and i almost hadn’t had them. I need hormones to get pregnant (PCOS) and also found out during my last pregnancy that i have a chromosomal abnormality that has no impact on me but could have a huge impact on my baby. I had 3 miscarriages before we found out about that and we didn’t know what to expect from that last pregnancy. Thankfully, it turned out to be okay and we had a perfect little baby boy. But we now know that if we want another baby, it would mean all kinds of medical procedures like oocyte selection, to prevent the baby from getting a “bad” ovum from me. And already having two kids, one with ASD/ADHD giving us a hard time, that’s gonna be just way too heavy.
So now here I am, craving for another baby, not accepting my fate just yet, and not yet deciding that I’m never going to have a baby again. It breaks my heart, I’m just so sad, just sad and empty when i think about that!
Anyone else recognise this feeling? What can I do to ever come in terms with this?
And how am i supposed to deal with this jealousy towards, well, about any pregnant woman i meet? Especially when it’s a friend. I feel bad for her because I don’t know how I will react when I see her. I even felt angry at her when she told me (in a text). And that’s just not fair.
I hope you won’t think I’m a spiteful b*tch 🙂
Thanks for listening.
Love, Flo.December 30, 2016 at 2:39 am #7482Courtney MetschParticipant
I know that feeling all to well Flo. I am in a similar boat to you. I have been TTC since Sept last year and am now on progesterone tablets as I had an abnormal pap and my cycle is irregular. This all randomly happened to me in May of this year, everything was normal up until then and it haunts my thoughts thinking what the hell went wrong. I have a beautiful 2yr-old daughter whom I adore but I still have the feeling that our family is not yet complete. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that I might only get to be her mummy, but that I’m lucky as some women are unable to have even one.
You’re not a spiteful bitch because if you are, so am I. Every where I turn someone else is announcing their pregnancy. I have two friends who are pregnant with the 4th and 5th! It’s so hard to feel happy for them having no trouble getting pregnant and popping them out like kittens when you’re over there begging your uterus to cooperate for just one more. I swear if I hear one more person say “You just need to relax and not stress about it and it will happen” I might throat punch them.
I have no advice to help with the feelings, just the reassurance that you’re not alone.
Courtney xoDecember 30, 2016 at 2:47 pm #7486FloParticipant
How sweet of you, thanks a lot for your words. Yes, knowing you’re not alone really is helpful and reassuring. I’m glad you don’t think I’m a spiteful bitch… Although throat punching sounds a tiny bit spiteful to me X’D
Just kidding, punch away queen. People should know when to shut up. It’s so hurtful when someone says things like that.
I’m sorry for your troubles. An abnormal pap, is that under control now? I had that once but it turned out alright. I hope it will for you too.
So I’m wishing you all the best, and good luck with your hormone treatment!
Love, Flo.December 30, 2016 at 4:29 pm #7488SmcParticipant
I think I might be a little further along the journey than you, Courtney….. though only just! I’m approaching my 39th birthday and started ttc when I was 30…. I have one amazing daughter who is 5 and she has been my one and only pregnancy in almost a decade, i have unexplained infertility and god I hate that phrase! I’m starting to come to terms with my one and only and I think what helped me the most was starting to plan a life with just one child… don’t get me wrong, I still have to steel myself when I hear of yet another friend who’s preggers but I think I realized that I’ve been wishing my life away, counting my life in two week blocks from period to ovulation and back again. I’m not plugged in to what is happening here and now because I’m wishing my life was different…. but my life is awesome and I have to be ok with it because it’s the only one I’ve got, sending you much love xx
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