I am stuck

This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of Ivana Ivana 3 weeks, 6 days ago.

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    Profile photo of Mali Mali 

    Hi all,
    I dont know what else to do so I would love to get some advice from any of you experienced women.
    I am 33 years old and I am in a very stable relationship. At the end of 2015 I found out that my chances of having children are really low, my AMH levels are like a woman of 45 years old, so early menopause is in my near future. That was a massive surprise for me. Before that I always thought I was going to have kids after 35 (If I had them). After I got the bad news, for some strange reason my world was turned upside down.
    It’s been over a year since I got the news and my partner and I are exactly in the same position that we were before, we cant make a decision. I have chronic anxiety so this situation is making my mind and thoughts go crazy and some nights I can’t sleep. I even went to a counsellor to see if that helped on making a decision but it didn’t.
    To be honest with you all, I am so scared, the most scared I have ever been in my life. A part of me is trying to run away and the other part of me is in love with the idea of having children. I have a way to many concerns and questions, what if I have a baby and it turns out to be sick? what if I cant be a good mother? what if I regret it afterwards? what if my anxiety gets worse and I cant cope? I have thought about the possibility of just letting all of this go and just give up and stay childless but I can’t stop thinking about it. to make the situation worse a couple of my friends had babies recently and when I held one of them I almost cried. It was a feeling that I haven’t felt before.
    My partner and I have a great relationship, I couldn’t ask for a better man but we also have our issues, specially with sex and I feel like having children right now will make this worse.
    Maybe i am so stuck on my fears and thoughts that there’s a very obvious solution that I can’t see, all I know is that I feel like crying because I really dont know what to do this time.
    I thank you in advanced if you take the time to write back or at least to read my post.

    Profile photo of Flo Flo 

    Dear Mali,
    I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. Insecurity is killing. I don’t know if there is a simple solution you’re missing, but when you’re neck deep in your own thoughts and feelings, it’s hard to tell right?
    Can I be really blunt? You sound like you want to have kids but are scared to death for it. We all are girl. But if you want to be a mom, go for it. You have a great guy, your clock is ticking and when you hold a baby your heart explodes. Do it. Don’t wait for life to be perfect, don’t wait for a sign from heaven. Stop overthinking and listen to your gut. This is a decision you can’t make with your head so let your heart take over.
    Good luck queen. I’m sure you’ll do the right thing.
    Love, Flo.

    Profile photo of Megga Megga 

    I read your posts and i feel for you i had my first baby when i was 34 and i so much wanted a baby that if i didnt have one i really was going to struggle with life .
    I too had always had anxiety which would flare up badly from time to time and i was so desparate for a bubs that it didnt even worry me that my partner and i already had hiccups in our relationship.
    So i had my beautiful baby girl and then having a baby really does change your life it wasnt the easiest but its worth it yhen again in my forties i thought i was menopausal so lwent off birth control.and found out at 5 mths i was pregnant at 44 omg shock well wot was i gonna do part of me was sooo happy and still am baby boy so you never know what life will.give you just trust yourself and im sure it will all work out dont over plan

    Profile photo of Mali Mali 

    Flo and Megga 🙂 Thank you so much to take the time to respond to my post. Your words helped a lot.
    I find it really hard to make decisions, it has always been like that. I think It’s related to anxiety and overthinking. I am still unsure about what to do but I am trying to take one day at the time.

    Profile photo of Ivana Ivana 

    I don’t live anywhere near you and can’t offer to meet up for coffee but I am here if you want to chat. I know how it feels to be lonely as I live in a foreign country and work in an industry where people often move in and out of your life. Like you I had a friend I chatted to every day but recently we grew apart due to some changes in our lives. I probably can’t be of much help from a far but if you need a friendly ear to chat I am here…sometimes it’s just nice to meet new people outside of your usual circle.

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 6 days ago by Profile photo of Ivana Ivana.
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