How did I get myself into this…..

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    Profile photo of Young Wifey Young Wifey 

    Here’s some back story… I’m newly married, just moved to a new city from the country and decided to save money we would rent with a friend and his partner before going it alone as rent is really expensive. So we signed a 12 month lease on an apartment and plan to save to move into a house next year.

    The friend James was my husbands BM at our wedding, James’ girlfriend, Rebecca, is my husbands ex-girlfriend.
    Yes it was over 6 years ago but still weird.

    Before James and Rebecca started dating she was incredibly rude to me and my husband to the point that she got fired from her job because the owner noticed her behaviour towards us – some of her most regular customers and told us so herself after she fired her. She asked her brothers to beat up my husband as revenge for him breaking up with her and threatened to kill herself unless he broke up with me and got back with her. Fast forward 5 years… and here we are.

    Rebecca is terribly inappropriate towards my husband, she refers to him as one of her boys, makes his lunch every day (like gets up early to do so – and no she was never asked), and constantly asks James why they can’t be more like us. For example married in our early 20’s (we have been together 5 years). She likes to make him treats (which she hides from me – hey I like cake too!) and acts interested in every activity he enjoys and likes to show that she’s better than me. I suffer from extreme anxiety and severe panic attacks in relation to certain situations, new food and even my own brother – I suffer a great deal because of it and if I am not comfortable doing something because I am scared she flaunts it that she can do it fine and she finds it so easy and enjoys it. She’s very controlling and immature. When I try to explain that over the years I’ve been friends with James (over 5 years as close friends) this is the most committed he’s ever been she snaps back she’s known him longer (he was a year above her in primary school but they had no contact since till a few weeks before they started dating) and that she wants more – she wants to be married, she won’t accept anything less. She does all the housework before I get home from work and starts dinner while I am still at work so I get no chance to clean or cook and then she complains about how she does everything.

    Last night I had enough and I made my husbands lunch so she couldn’t, I then got in trouble because I didn’t make James’ lunch as well.

    I just want to know, am I normal in feeling like I am not enough. Not as a wife but as a woman, I have severe anxiety about eating something I’ve never tried before, to the point I almost cry and on the verge of a panic attack. I hate housework and cleaning, I love cooking but never get a chance. Is she deliberately trying to undermine me? To make me feel inadequate? My friends advice is to move out, but after not even two months into a lease would that just be admitting defeat. My mum says my marriage is not worth the money saved, I don’t see her as a threat though I feel she is trying to be. I can just feel my anxiety creeping back up on me which I worked so hard to get to a manageable state after getting off medication and no longer having to attend weekly sessions with my psychologist. I haven’t had a panic attack in months, I’ve mostly overcome the intense fear of my brother to the point I can briefly talk to him indirectly if I make no eye contact and I feel like she’s pushing me back there. She taunts me when I won’t eat something, telling me not to be a pussy and laughs when I say I can’t.

    Is the money we are saving worth this? My husband wants to leave but I don’t want our relationship with James to suffer. Like sorry mate we love you but your girlfriend is cruel and inappropriate towards my husband?

    How does a friendship survive that.

    I need the help of you Queens cause right now I don’t feel like a Queen. I feel like a trampled on maid.

    – Young Wifey

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