He Cheated, oh god he cheated

This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Saphie 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

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    Profile photo of Saphie Saphie 

    Not only did he cheat, he had an affair. Without going into the details we hit a really bad place. Life got bad, we lost loved ones, he lost his sister suddenly, funeral after funeral, family got sick, redundancy from work, anything and everything that could go wrong went wrong in 18months and we just weren’t prepared for it. We failed. I got nasty and shut off, especially in his time of need and so did he. I gave up, and he had an affair.

    But we love each other.

    We’ve had some time apart and want to give this another go. And aside from the affair crap we have never been in a better place. Communication is amazing, he is amazing, I thought we were good before all the crap but now we talk about things that we never spoke about before. We love each other so deeply and are now more aware of what it takes to make a relationship work. We’ve done counselling and are putting in the hard work….. I think we have almost paid for her retirement.

    If you asked me before this what my reaction would be to an affair my answer would have been, I would walk away without hesitation. And then my worst nightmare happens and I surprise myself by not reacting like that.

    I’ve been the crazy woman searching the internet tirelessly of how on earth a couple and get through this. Everything other than this betrayal feels so right. He has broken two of my core values and shattered both my reality and also my bubble. I miss my bubble.

    So here I am looking for positive feedback from people, real people. (Our counselor will be so disappointed, I am totally looking for validation). 10 months after finding out, most of the time I can push this to the side, I can see it all objectively and find joy in our new relationship. Then there are days like today when I feel overwhelmed, the hurt creeps up behind me and whacks me in the head out of nowhere and I relive the pain again.

    I don’t want to hear the horror stories. That’s not me being na├»ve, I just want to stay positive. Is there anyone out there who has made it work? Is there a great life on the other side?

    Profile photo of Seb Seb 

    this is not my story to tell but I’m gonna tell a small part of it anyway. My neighbor at the time was cheated on by her husband while she was away for the weekend. I can’t tell you the circumstances leading up to it (whether their relationship was in a good spot or whether it was a random mistake) but I can tell you it wrecked them and they split up for a while.
    Like your situation they had some time apart and then gave it another go. They did eventually get back together, they had two children at the time of the affair and went on to have another. They are still together now (this is 10+ years on). We have long since moved away from each other and recently got back in touch and they are still going strong.
    I realise this is an extremely condensed version of events but I just wanted to point out to you that there CAN be a happy ending. I guess it’s up to you how much you want it and how much you want each other.
    Best of luck.

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