Feeling very alone but he is right beside me

This topic contains 7 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of  Anonymous 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

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    Profile photo of De De 

    Feeling very alone, I’m married and have 2 kids but I am always alone if that makes sense ? The husband spends most of his time at work, in the shed or the office. I have spoken to him about this but he always makes me feel like I’m not important and brushes me aside for his car / projects. I have a fulltime job and do all the wifey duties with no help. God I’m lucky if I get a phone call around dinner time to tell me if he will be home for dinner ! He works long hours in construction and doesn’t have a set time for knock off. I’m not a nagger and I feel like I shouldn’t have to remind him to call if he is going to be late. The kids and I usually have dinner alone, and when he does come home he eats and then is off to the shed or the office……. when the kids are in bed I’m alone watching TV or reading until bedtime….. and you guessed it I go to bed alone too. He says he will be in later to bed when I say goodnight but its not till 1am or I wake up and he is asleep on the couch. I have work friends and school mum friends, but no close friends, I’m a bit of a home body. My sister and I aren’t really close any more due to situations with my husband that is far too hard / long to talk about. Sometimes I think I could just drive off and not come home but I don’t have anywhere to go. This totally sounds like a sob story! I’m a strong person who generally doesn’t ask for help and will always put my hand up to help others. God I don’t even know what I’m asking here ? I need a friend , somewhere to go to hang out, drink wine and not feel alone. I need some queens in my life!

    Profile photo of Magenta Magenta 

    De, this post broke my heart 🙁 Firstly you are not alone. You’re amazingly strong for putting up with this for so long. Your husband’s behaviour is unacceptable. And I imagine the fact that you’ve brought it up with him, only for him to brush you aside, has made it a million times more difficult to tackle. He is not honouring your wedding vows, nor is he being a good dad to your kids. If you ask me, this has got to stop and he has to see how damaging he is being to your relationship. I suspect he doesn’t really see the full extent of it himself; I’m guessing this hasn’t happened overnight and it’s been a gradual thing? He really needs to understand the impact this is having on you and your family and that it can’t go on. But that’s easier said than done, I know. As with all relationships, there is probably a ton of shit that needs to be unpicked, in order to get to the bottom of why he is acting like this (I’m assuming he didn’t act like a total prick when you married him!)

    You are right, you need a support network – people to confide in, to bounce ideas off of, to be there for you (with wine) when you decide to again tackle the situation, just to take your mind off things and to have a bit of you time. Where do you live? Not sure if there’s any way on here to find people in a certain area? But it def sounds like you need to arrange a babysitter and have some you time. Have you considered asking school mums/work friends if they fancy a night out? Or how about joining an evening class? Sounds really cliche and cringe, but it really is a good way to meet people and take some time out.

    From my experience it’s not always close friends that are best placed to provide support anyhow. Sometimes it’s the random lady you bump into in the park, or the friend of a friend who you get chatting to. The key is opening up yourself. Let other people in. As many people as possible in my opinion! The more you talk the better you feel. In some ways it’s lower risk to open up to people that aren’t close…they probably don’t know your husband so it feels less personal and they may be less likely to judge. Up until recently I have found it extremely difficult to open up to people, I always try and deal with things myself (and I used to consider that the strong thing to do) but it’s actually meant I’ve bottled so much shit up and dragged it from relationship to relationship that it’s been bad for my mental health. Since my epiphany (coupled with seeing a therapist!) I’m now much better at opening up and I’m always surprised at the number of people going through similar experiences to myself, everyone masks it so well!

    Sending you so much love. Remember you are not alone. From what you’ve said you’ve done nothing wrong and your husband is acting like an arsehole and you deserve so much more respect than he is giving you. Stay strong xxx

    Profile photo of Motheroftwo Motheroftwo 

    I know how you feel. I live with something very similar. I feel like my husband should be the one to turn to, my best friend, but he’s not. And that distance hurts, doesn’t it?
    I have two children as well, and it often feels like I’m on my own. It’s lonely even though there’s always somebody around. My friends are sympathetic, but are busy with their own families too. It is such a hard situation to be in, feeling so unsupported. Not good for our mental health!
    I don’t have much advice, as I haven’t perfected my own situation yet! But I do offer my complete understanding. Feel free to message me if you want to vent!
    You are a Queen. We deserve better. We can get through this xxx

    Profile photo of  Anonymous

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    Profile photo of Alex Alex 

    Everything you have said I completely understand. I am too going through what you are going through. I am a first time mother to my almost 1 year old. I work part time as a registered nurse, my partner works a monday-friday job and finishes at 2:30pm every afternoon. I feel I am always cooking, cleaning, and caring for our daughter. My partner comes home from work and spends a lot of time on the computer. I feel he does not spend much time with our daughter, I know he doesn’t spend much time with me but it hurts me when he doesn’t seem as interested in our daughter as I am. I feel I do so many little things that are not appreciated. I feel some days I just want to take my daughter and leave this life, and begin a new life in a new town. I do not feel valued. I cannot speak with my partner as every time I try to he says I am arguing with him, and he walks away. When all I wanted was a conversation and him to understand. We do not sleep together, he needs his sleep for his 8.5hr work days, while I care for our daughter and work 1-2days a week shift work as a nurse.
    I do not have the answer on how to solve this issue, however I completely understand how you feel and that you are not alone

    Profile photo of Elena Elena 

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    Profile photo of Kirbylee Kirbylee 

    Hi, my name is Kirby, I’m 29 and I’m in the exact same situation as you.
    I had a premi baby last year and have been doing it alone, it feels, the whole time.
    I have recently found out that my fiancee never even took a photo of me during my short pregnancy!
    Seriously pissed about that one!!!
    I too have given up trying to get him to come to bed with me… he watches the races or movies on tv or his phone and crashes on the lounge.
    He works all stupid fucking hours, comes home after dinner or later, or comes home in time for dinner and I’ve cooked for him then he says he ate about an hour ago and isn’t hungry, which would have been nice to know before I wasted all this food!
    He asks if I did shopping today, while I was taking care of baby and working part time, despite being able to see a full fridge and pantry, with some groceries still out on the table.

    Our sex life is generally non-existent, and he gets the shits with me if he is ready for some, but I’ve got my period, or I’m tired, or baby is screaming in his cot, or I’m sick, or I just don’t bloody want him to touch me!!

    I’d like to think its just males in general, but I know of several men who are the most wonderful family orientated blokes on the planet, who readily offer to help the missus, who hold her hand when out in public, take care of the kids so she can have a sleep in or get her hair done or do the groceries in peace, or not selfishly waste all of his extra income on self indulgence instead of taking his missus and kids out for a nice meal or pay for that unexpected doctors appointment, or compliment her outfit, or even notice it for that matter!!

    Seriously, I could rant for days!!!

    I’d just like to say that you are not alone, despite feeling very confident that you are.

    I’d be happy to chat with you and rant together, if you’d like, about our useless partners and their lack of understanding.

    Power to the Queens who are having a hard time…

    Profile photo of  Anonymous

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