Feeling lost

This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of Queen Jani Queen Jani 4 months ago.

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    Profile photo of Pix Pix 

    Hi Queens :),
    This is my first posting on here and really I just want to vent because I feel completely alone! there I said it! I’ve spent the last 8 years being prodded and poked by doctors because of cancer with no end in sight, I’ve gone from being totally confident in who I am to feeling completely useless. To be honest, it feels like everyone around me is so sick of my illness, well so am I! but I don’t get a day off from it.

    To get to the point, the friends who I thought were friends have gradually stopped calling and recently, one of my closest friends pretty much made me feel like to worst parent, going as far to say to my son (11) that he was over weight and did i realise he was and what was I doing about it! He is not over weight, he is 5″4′ with size 7 mens shoe, he is strong, he goes to boot camp and plays hockey, he swims, he does scouts. Yes, he does like gaming in his down time which he enjoys with his Dad.

    I guess I took it rather personally because when I was having Chemo, this person asked if her teenage daughter could live with us for 10 weeks! I was in no state to even comprehend the implications and being a good friend I said yes and now, 3 years later this same person does this. I have supported her in her life experiences of family deaths, break ups, renovation hassles and the list goes on. That is what friends do, right? I am being too sensitive? why do I feel so hurt? I haven’t really spoken to her since this incident and I didn’t make a big deal of it at the time because my son was there, I simply said “well lets have a look if photos of your kids at that age….” which she did, they both were much bigger so all the excuses came out then “oh well my son took steroids as a child…..” etc, yeah well my kid has asthma and still he is not bigger.

    My husband reckons she is envious and every time I start to appear happy and in control she does something to derail me, I guess I never noticed it till now and I guess I have been preoccupies with surviving to notice. Have any of you had this experience with a close friend? what did you do?

    I feel like such a loser, so incapable of ever feeling capable again. For the first time in 8 years I thought I might be able to start looking for casual work again but my confidence is really low now, fuck it! Well that feels a little better, thanks for reading :/

    Profile photo of Queen Jani Queen Jani 

    Sending you a shiny crown babes you rock

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