Can't shake the feelings for the ex!!!

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of Charlotte Charlotte 1 day, 19 hours ago.

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  • #7564
    Profile photo of Deblou Deblou 
    Participant

    It’s been over a year since my ex ended the relationship which I knew was for the best and we remained friendly afterwards.
    At first I cut all contact except giving his stuff back and asking for my key which he was shocked at (as he has broke up with me in the past for a few days) and I have never asked for it back.
    We were happy so I thought until I really looked back and saw him and the relationship for what it was, and I was not whole heartedly happy but put up with it because I loved him.
    Don’t get me wrong he is a great guy but was not a match for my needs and wants so I became a shadow of myself just to appease him.
    Not in a bad way just I put him first and would be thoughtful towards him this was never on his radar but always what I could offer him and the put down would creep in firstly through jokes then gradually behind why he was unhappy highlighted petty hates about me which annoy him. He would never argue with me but withdraw himself from me and not speak and stay with his mum.
    since we broke up he would contact me for silly reasons then ask to me for coffee which I did as I wanted to believe we could still be friends. I know I know how foolish I was I just would hurt myself more and more..
    He even contacted me to meet urgently as ‘his head was messed up’. I met him and he proceeded to tell me about his new now ex girlfriend problem and invited me to take her place on their holiday!!!
    I was gob smacked I left without saying anything then this rage came over me and I vented. I cut all contact and months went by and I recieved a text message off him this is when I blocked him. Throughout all this I didn’t want to be with him but was frightened to fully delete him out of my life!!
    I have not bothered with dating other guts etc and it’s been over a year and I still think of him, I just wanna get him out of my thoughts and outta my head!!! When will this ever change???

    #7625
    Profile photo of Eva Eva 
    Participant

    Hi Deblou,

    How are you?
    I have read your post and let me tell you, there is no formula for getting over an ex, it is different for each one of us.
    The problem I personally see, is this guy thinking he can reach you and you´ll be there always, why would he tell you about his ex and invite you to a trip? that sounds like a trick to me,I don´t think I´ll ever get used to the idea of seeing/thinking of my exes with anyone else.
    Do not focus in getting him out of your head, but in feeling and letting go, of course you will think of him and all the things you have gone through, there will be a lot that reminds you of him, you will miss him, yes, but you made the decision to break up for a reason or do you want him in your life still?

    In my case there has been over a year since I broke up, and I do think of him but not about getting back together, there is a lot that reminds me of him and I like to think of it as good memories, and reminders of all that I have learnt so far and how much I have changed….and now I know exactly what I don´t want in a guy!!!

    My way of getting over it was cutting all contact, otherwise my head was all messed up, after several months of not speaking to him, I felt strong enough to speak to him as a fiend and someone I appreciated much and realized if I had spoken with him during all the process, it would have been a lot harder.
    But that is up to you!

    Cheers because the storm is gonna pass 🙂

    #7629
    Profile photo of Charlotte Charlotte 
    Participant

    Can anyone please help me

    How do I fix my marriage?
    I have been following ur pages on FB. I think ur rather inspiring to a lot men and women. But I need everyone’s help here.
    I’m not charlotte and I’m not a female, however I am inspired by the way u put things into perspective.
    I want my wife back, I love her so much that even writing this really brings tears to my eyes.
    I’ve honestly never loved someone so much in my life I am struggling to let go.
    We had a big disagreement in January, we are living in seperate dwellings, my emotions were up and down from some of the things she was doing, was actually upsetting me. Don’t get me wrong I’m not one of those gay guys but I have had a rather different from the age of five I was in foster care, I couldn’t seem to find trust in anybody as I was constantly moved around a lot from home to home. Even growing up I still couldn’t find trust in anybody until I met my wife. Upon meeting my wife Chelsea, I began from the start to have trust in somebody. I had never experienced this before. Everything was amazing between us. We now have 2 little men bailey 2 & 1/2 and Zac 1. Due to having a business my wife had to do everything on her own whilst I was working around the clock and forth.
    I have since gotten rid of the business and tried proving that my priority is my family now through Christmas but didn’t get a fair shot as I believe her family seen me as someone that is not a family man kind of guy. That too when said to me played on in my mind all through Christmas. My wife and I aren’t divorced yet and I’m praying everyday that she doesn’t go there cause I’m falling apart without her, and don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried everything. She took a DVO out on me so she could try get over her feeling for me and move on in life. Everyone acknowledges that we have a strong connection but she’s trying to let go. I feel she is listening to opinions rather then her heart. And been through the shit child hood I was destined to keep my family together. My wife is my world. When times are good everything is great but when times are shot house well things are made worse then what they actually are. We have been through worse then this but she just won’t give it a chance now that we don’t have the business but yet now I have all the time in the world. I got rid of my business, I went bankrupt to prove to my family that their worth more then money it’s self. Now I’m lost.
    Any advice would be great. I came her cause she sent me a post u put up on how u and ur partner met, u made love, had kids, begun to fight, hated then loved and so on. Since then I have followed u and she absolutely adores u to the point she has read ur book. So I’m hoping maybe u or any of the other ladies on this site could kindly give me some idea of what I can do to save my marriage, hold on to my wife, my best friend, my lover, my soul mate. Without being a stalker or weirdo.

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