Being single

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of Errin Errin 1 month ago.

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  • #7514
    Profile photo of A.thomo A.thomo 
    Participant

    Just wondering if you might be able to give me some advice. My engagement ended over 2.5 years ago due to my ex cheating on me and let me tell you I definitely dodged a bullet there!! The thing I am struggling with is still being single. I have achieved so much for myself in the last 2.5 years and wouldn’t change that at all. I have grown and developed as an individual and have learned to love myself for who I am. I have studied a post grad course, traveled the world, bought a block of land and landed myself a new job for this year. Sure there have been guys here and there throughout this time but I am starting to really struggle with rejection time and time again. So many guys are so hot and cold and once again I am in a rut and I start second guessing myself about other parts of my life after rejection again. Any advice for single ladies and how to not force things with certain guys and just let things happen, how to handle rejection and just live life to the fullest and enjoy being single? Your help is much appreciated and I am after some straight to the point advice. Thanks, Amy xx

    #7524
    Profile photo of Samantha Hailwood Samantha Hailwood 
    Participant

    Hi Amy, I’m a 40yr old divorced (since 2007) mother of three and I’m very happily single. I’ve also had a few flings in the last ten years but only with guys who were wanting to be mothered. The key to being happily single is to become your own best friend. Embrace and love YOURSELF to the point that any man who may enter your life is a bonus, not a necessity. If he buggers off its not a reflection of who you are, it’s his own journey. The rejection thing is very difficult to deal with, especially when you start to pick yourself to pieces over what went wrong. Try not to over analyse the events, there is no point and you’ll find yourself going around in circles trying to find an answer that you’ll never get. Nurture yourself in those moments, take care of your broken heart because this too shall pass. You sound like you’ve got your head screwed on and you’re very successful in the life you have created for yourself, don’t let that go for anyone. Don’t settle for the next guy that comes along, be picky, make it clear that you love yourself and don’t take any shit. Being single can be liberating, you don’t have to wear make up or shave your legs if you don’t want to, no arguments, no family gatherings with people you don’t like, (me and my dog get the whole bed to ourselves) and there is no way you can be cheated on! So, go out there and have fun, be in love with you, have the greatest romance of your life with you. When you’re comfy in your own company then be open to allowing someone to share yourself because you WANT to, not because you need to.
    Take care,
    Samantha

    #7573
    Profile photo of Errin Errin 
    Participant

    Hi Amy,
    I wouldn’t read into the rejection too much. Yes, it sucks when it turns out that you’re not on the same page as the spunk you’ve been dating – but that’s usually the simple reason things don’t work out

    You sound smart and successful, I’d say you’re confident in yourself, in who you are and what you really want. There is no harm in being upfront and letting guys know that you’re ultimately hoping to find a long term partner, most guys will appreciate honesty over guessing. Shallow fellas with their own self confidence issues will be scared off by any upfront honesty – but that’s cool, because you don’t want those ones anyway.

    I’ve been single for years now too and definitely can relate to yearning to have that connection with a guy. If you’re anything like a lot of us singles, you’re possibly using dating apps / websites? Which means it is sooo easy to meet people but not so easy to find the connection. If you’re using these sites, you need to have common sense and thick skin, as people treat others in a very disposable way – either because they’re not after anything of substance OR they’re sucked into the whole instant gratification cycle, where they think that if there aren’t fireworks immediately, there never will be, so they’ll move on to the next one pretty quickly. I reckon that as long as you are happy and have a sound sense of self, you’ll meet a cool guy one of these days.
    Errin

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