Babies, housework, more babies, stepkids and partner and mess

This topic contains 6 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of Boobsy LaRue Boobsy LaRue 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #6922
    Profile photo of Jade Jade 
    Participant

    So the other day I told my partner that I couldn’t stop thinking about having another baby. It doesn’t mean I want to get pregnant right this second but I want to have another one and he’s a lot older than me so it has to happen in the next few years or its not fair to the kid (we have a 6 month old and a six year old of his and a teenager of his). He basically said that he isn’t bringing another child into this mess because the fleas have come in from the grass and apparently its because i’m not doing enough vaccuuming. I’m sorry mate, I do as much as I can but i’m busy and exhausted from caring for OUR baby and YOUR children and cleaning as much as I can and collapsing on the couch sometimes because i don’t have the fucking energy. He does bust his arse building the house but i feel like he spends a lot of time out there actively avoiding being with us. He parents the baby and his children too, don’t get me wrong, and he does cleaning and washing but i’m just lost for words as to what to say to him to get him to understand that 1) it is perfectly normal for the mother of a baby to not be in top of the housework, especially with an often emotionally and sometimes physically absent partner and 2) this isn’t the FUCKING 50’s and the housework is not just my responsibility. We have a baby who is thriving just from what my body gives him and the love and care he gets from us and his kids are well cared for and loved as well. That is my most important job!! It’s not even about the fucking prospect of another baby anymore, its just that he seems to believe i’m an unfit mother because I don’t fucking vaccuum enough!

    #6923
    Profile photo of Jade Jade 
    Participant

    Anyway, i’m just lost for words so if you have any i’d appreciate them. The other thing is that usually when we fight it impedes my ability to look after baby because i’m so upset so i just capitulate but this time its like a spell has been broken, i don’t give two shits whether he talks to me. I feel so free!

    #6925
    Profile photo of Flo Flo 
    Participant

    Ugh. That sucks. Jeez, men can be so stupid. Can they really not see what we do, what we sacrifice?
    You’re lost on words but to be frank, words would probably be lost on him. Sometimes I think the only thing you can do is give him the finger (literally or just in your mind) and show him. Just be the Queen and let him be ignorant. Give him the right example and pray he’ll catch up with you.
    I have a very gentle husband who is considerate and quite understanding, but I do hear you. Because no man can ever truly grasp what we are living. I wish you the best of luck with all of it, and patience, and love. Stand tall! Flo.

    #6927
    Profile photo of No title required No title required 
    Participant

    Maybe he just doesn’t want another kid and that was the first excuse he could think of?

    #6964
    Profile photo of Jade Jade 
    Participant

    Thanks guys, I think he’s just not coping at the moment and i’m struggling too. Just gotta figure out how to get the message out that keeping house is everyone’s job. No title required, that’s what my friend said. I was just really taken aback because up to now he’s been up for the idea and i feel sad because I really want more. Thanks for the support <3 xx

    #7363
    Profile photo of Boobsy LaRue Boobsy LaRue 
    Participant

    Jade, I hear you queen. I bloody hear you.
    I am a stepmum of a tween and mum of an 8 month old.
    A friend told me once, “your husband is so good, helping out with the kids and the housework…” I’m sorry, but it is not MY job to look after the kids and house, he does not help me with it, we do it together! We run a household together. Like many of us, I was brought up in a family where Dad brought in the money and mum did all the housework and 90% of the parenting. Unfortunately, we absorb these social norms and I have to keep reminding myself that we are not bound by them, they were not in fact handed down by god, and we are now adults who can choose our roles and create our own families, demonstating the values we want to pass on to our children.
    I totally get what you mean when you say a spell has been broken and you feel free. Hold on to that. It’s too easy to slip back. You know what is right and true in yourself, and your example is the best gift you can give to your children and stepchildren.
    And by the way, good on you for step-parenting. It’s a difficult and often thankless task, but you have taken it on and you are clearly trying to do your honest best.
    Much love to you Queen. Please let us know how you are travelling xxx

    #7364
    Profile photo of Boobsy LaRue Boobsy LaRue 
    Participant

    Oh, and I also want to have another baby! But my partner tells me it’s “not the right time”… sigh.

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