Parental Alienation

You remember Sally Faulkner right?

sallyfaulkner

Her children were supposed to be holidaying in Beirut with their dad, only they were never returned home…

Sally later shared he cut off all contact to her, their mother, torturing her and devastating the kids.

In a failed attempted to recover them with 60 Minutes, Sally became very well known. Then the internet did what the internet does and instead of supporting a woman on the edge, a women who had lost it all at the hands of who she deeply felt was an abusive and controlling man, it turned on her.

Labeling her whatever they felt the need to label her, in order to not have to treat her like a victim.

Often people struggle to accept women as victims, it doesn’t sit well with society. They like to use terms like “asking for it,” and “manipulative,” when confronted with a woman who truly is simply a victim.

I don’t know why, maybe if we see it as somehow the victim’s fault we feel more assured that it won’t happen to us.
But unfortunately, marrying a fuckwit (male or female) happens as spontaneously as being struck by lightning, there’s no discrimination. People change and then lives are ruined.

I learned a long time ago that you don’t need to be a fool to be fooled by the wrong man.

But bet your visitation rights on it…… Sally is a victim. A victim of parental alienation, a term that’s far more serious than a bunch of blokes sitting at a pub bitching about their ex’s.

And the saddest part is that Sally isn’t the only victim of Parental Alienation. Her beloved children are suffering just as much.

Sally has no contact with her children, none. She scrolls the internet for hours hoping to find a sign or a photo to show her that her babies are happy.

So last week when Sally’s mum’s friend found that her children’s school had put up a photo of her beloved daughter’s class she jumped on it to zoom in on gorgeous Lahela.

But the photo broke her to tears, the photo broke me to tears and I’m sure it’s moving you as we speak.

 

Sally’s close friend Lisa wrote this post and wanted us to read it.

“There is a little girl in the photo who looks like she is a million miles away. She possibly is, a million miles away with her mummy, in the only place she is allowed… Her mind. Where she goes to relive the memories of the times she had 2 parents in her life” Full post is here.

That photo reminded me of a saying that I recently learned to be true, “There is no such thing as other peoples children.”
If you felt at all maternal looking at that photo of a little girl who needs her mum, you understand that saying too. She is our little girl, our little broken hearted girl.

Sally wrote this to me yesterday, “People say a child taken by a stranger is horrific and requires urgent help. But when a child is taken by another parent they assume it’s ok because the child is still loved and has its needs met. But the truth is that a lot of the time parental alienation neglects the child’s emotional needs in a haze of hate and revenge. Ali took my kids because he knew how much they meant to me and he thrives on hurting me. But what he can’t see is the pain in our children eyes. I am lost, nobody is helping me, 300 unanswered emails, crying at lawyers that this is just another night without my children. The Family Law Courts need an overhaul.”

How could someone find a role for a child in a game of hate and revenge?
Being friends with Sally can feel like being friends with someone with a terminal illness at times, you love them, you like each other’s photos on Facebook, you inbox them when something relevant comes up, you see her smile and you automatically smile because you know, that deep down she is suffering in ways that you hope to never relate to.
And you’d do anything in your power to make things better for her.

But you just can’t.

I wonder if that sweet little girl knows that on the other side of the world, is a mum who fights every day, who cries every day, who send her love every day and who is sitting in a crowded room looking out of the window with the exact same look of pain on her face.

For Sally’s story, download or buy her book “All for my Children” instead of reading any of the bullshit clickbait stories in the media.

Love you Sally.

Con xx


To read more by Constance Hall, follow on Instagram or Facebook.

5 Comments
  1. Profile photo of BreeL
    BreeL 2 months ago

    I’ve been trying to find a way to post this privately but I’m not the most tech savvy person and have given up. Sally – I don’t know how you get up each day but I also understand why you do and it will not be in vein. I lost almost everything in the space of 8 days in July – my business, my house, my marriage, my mental health and my sense of self. The one thing I didn’t lose was my children. And, that is only because their father and his family doesn’t want them. I also know that days and weeks and months are so incredibly long and insufferable, but lifetimes are strangely short. I truly believe you will get your babies back. They probably won’t be babies anymore, but they will always be your babies and you will have lives ahead of you to share. What has happened to you is so incredibly, horribly, awfully wrong and my heart has broken for you from the day I read your story, but I also truly believe that things will right themselves in their own way in the long run. I didn’t live with my mother for most of my childhood and yet she is the closest grandparent to my children and we have decades ahead of being a family. I can only try to understand the immense heartbreak right now, but it’s not forever and your kids will become teenagers and then adults who will make their own decisions and the fact that you never gave up on them will mean the world. In the meantime, please know you are not alone – there are lots of us walking along side you. Take care. x

  2. Profile photo of Smetcalf223
    Smetcalf223 2 months ago

    I have followed Constance on fb for a while but I had to sign up for this page because of this post. I went through the same thing. My children were taken out of state, kept away from me. Stolen. No one listened and my ex lied his way through court insisting the kids had never left. It took two whole years and in the end because I could never prove where they were he got custody. It is a constant battle to even see them at all and the alienation is so hard. While I do get to see them now they are conditioned to think I’m crazy and their life is better without me. They even have a “new mommy.” The idea that this happens only because the woman does something wrong is horrible. We have three kids, I was pregnant while this all happened and he has always denied that child. So I have sole custody of the little one. But the older children are just as broken as I am. He does it because he knows it kills me to see them in pain, he knows that as long as he has them he has control over me still. Family court is a joke. The best interest of the children depends on people’s opinions who don’t know anything about the situation. I pray for this woman, and knowing what she’s going through I sincerely hope she finds the justice that I did not.

  3. Profile photo of Elizabeth May
    Elizabeth May 2 months ago

    This post actually bought me to tears.
    The emotional damage that is being done to these kids is a horrendous form of torture. My own mother has used my kids in a game, saying she wishes to have nothing ever to do with them or me, Via text to my husband ….. then contacting everyone she knows …. including my inlaws who she claims she doesn’t like…. to.tell them I have been the one to stop her from seeing them.
    Using children in narcissistic games is going to far! There needs to be laws set up to prevent this behaviour. It is damaging to the adults but horrendous for the children. Think of our children, society should not be encouraging children to be raised in a way they need to recover from their childhood …. like so many of us are doing now, society needs to step up and help raise children that are strong, resilient and powerful from the love provided through out their childhood.
    Why is the school not being a mediator… surely they can Skype the mother?
    Stay strong little ones, don’t believe the lies you are being fed, don’t loose your own inner voice, your mumma loves you very much.

  4. Profile photo of A and M MoM
    A and M MoM 2 months ago

    The family court system is in terrible need of reform and what best serves the needs of families does not always greese the wheels of the machine. Former spouses who target and falsely objectify the other parent as problematic are NEVER given punitive results in court. Rather, their goal to distract from the realistic needs of the children by persecuting and demonizing the other parent thereby putting them on the defense. At the same time minimizing the targeted parents contact with their children which makes any parent reactionary and activates a sense of desperation, sadness and anger. Enter the henchmen, the attorneys. Now why would an attorney truly strive to provide fair and reasonable resolutions to custody issues when clearly CONFLICT is their bread and butter?
    The obsessed, resentful and vindictive parent builds a strong case and strives to be the winner, while the parent wounded by their emotional loss and perhaps financial limitations is marked in the courts eyes as the looser. Each target parent shares a similar story to those above, which by no means minimizes the experience. Expectations of target parents are undefined and before any ‘concern’ made by the winning parent can be put to bed, another issue is manifested and again directed at the target. There are also the continuances and delays made by council to prolong the lack of contact between child and parent which goes to work on the emotions of the targeted parent. It’s what we call the shotgun approach to split custody in a high conflict divorce.
    Parental Alienation, or PAS is suprisingly textbook and most certianly has damaging effects on children. Even the most resilient child can not thrive with an internal feeling of overwhelming loss, guilt and sadness. And even the most dedicaded parent can submit to the darkness and hopeless of the loss of a child. I recently lost a young friend to suicide as a result of PAS and this happens far to often. Service men and women are another huge population of parents that suddenly find themselves alienated from their children when returning from a tour of duty. Parents who suffer from a major injury or life threatening condition or major surgery also are victims of PAS.
    There is a enormous support network for alienated parents online. I co-founded California Families Against Parental Alienation with another mother several years ago. Raising awareness and giving voice to the silent and innocent victims of this destructive family dynamic has to be a top priority in every community. An apprpriate way to introduce others to PAS is through hosting a small demonstration on “Bubbles of Love Day” which is observed on April 26th. All of the info and materials can be found at the following link.
    http://bubblesofloveday.com
    Parental Alienation destroys families and creates unnecessary pain for countless parents, children, grand parents, aunties, step-siblings and extended biological family members.
    As always, I am pround to walk beside each of these parents on this most painful journey.

  5. Profile photo of Stevie-lea Codey
    Stevie-lea Codey 2 months ago

    My heart goes out to you sally… stay strong, I will keep you in my prayers each night until you’re babies return home.
    I don’t have the words to describe just how wrong it is what you are going through. No body deserves to feel that pain, no parent mother nor father should have the right to keep the a loving parent away from the child.. of corse there are situations where If the child is in danger than that’s just what happens, but when it’s out of pure spite, using an innocent child as a pawn in a sick sadistic game, just to hurt or control the other parent, that is simply a terrible form of child abuse,
    I could go on and on, this stuff boils my blood… we all support you sally, don’t give give up justice will be served, maybe it might take longer than it should but I believe you’re babies will find there way back to you 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

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