Mothers and working is a ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’ scenario.
Archaic ideas make it impossible to be the holier than thou sacred mother, and have a life and earn some cash all at the same time.
Well I refuse to be dammed.
Here are some things I have noticed.
It’s not my money.
Someone needs to care for the kids in order for any money to come in. I know this all too well.
That someone this time is my partner. Despite him still working he has taken on a much heavier parenting role nowadays, I could not do this without the support of my husband. My kids happiness is my first priority, before work, before marriage I need to see their little faces smile just to function.
The fact that my husband has sacrificed his time, his work and his life to put those smiles on those faces so that I can work freely, makes any money I earn not my own.
So often I hear about friends who have no access to cash, that need to ask the bread winner for money when they want to do something. It’s degrading. Nobody should have to elevate another human to the status of the treasurer of the family just because they need a new pair of sandals.
Not to mention, how is that person supposed to ever leave if they aren’t happy? Whether you like to think about divorce or not the truth is that whoever has access to the majority of the cash has an unfair advantage in the case of making decisions about going or staying. Financial control is abuse.
Money earned in a partnership that involves children is 100%, indisputably, undoubtedly ours. Divided down the middle if need be, its not handed out in rations and the primary earner holds authority over it.
True equality starts at home, with every single pay check.
I’ve become less of a ball buster.
I used to bust Bill’s balls, the thought of him working all week and then fucking off out with friends on the weekend felt like torture.
When someone is with their children on their own ALL DAY EVERY DAY the only break they get is when someone joins them to share the load on weekends.
Just simply putting one of the twins in their car seats for me when I had done it 679 times that week feels like a massive break. Family time was my only rest. So when I had been looking forward to it all week and then come Saturday morning Bill snuck out for a 3 hour coffee on his own, I would be waiting for him at home, peacefully packing his belongings into garbage bags and calmly fucking them out onto the road waiting for his confused self to return to world war 3.
I actually couldn’t care less anymore.
When I am out of the house, even if it is to work it is peaceful.
-It is a drive without kids pulling each others hair in the back seat,
-It’s getting petrol without buying 4 kinder fucking surprises for my children to scream over because Billie-Violet got a turtle and all turtles in the world are rightfully Arlo’s, she swapped with him and out of spite he throws his kinder toy out the window on the freeway, she throws her bottle of water at his head.
-Its hours to myself, to achieve goals and feel accomplished, there is no accomplishment to be felt spending 40 minutes cleaning a bath tub to see out of the corner of your eye a 2 year old pecker leaning over the ledge and literally pissing on my hard work. FUN
So by the time I come home, I am so refreshed, so happy and so calm that I actually want my kids, because essentially I love them more then life, I love spending time with them, I just get so overwhelmed by the relentlessness of every day and every night.. for the rest of my life….
With that happiness, with that rested soul and energy, I don’t need Bill to share the load with me, if he’s there, awesome. If he’s not I can cope on my own. Be free little butterfly.
I don’t ever use the term “part time mum, part time worker.”
Whether you’re working full time or part time or your children stay with your ex-husband one week and you one week, you are a full-time mum. Your children are never away from your heart, the majority of your decisions are made with them in your mind, you work to create a better life for yourself and them, you stay at home because they need you there and you enjoy being there, or maybe you stay at home because its a privilege denied to your own single mum, or maybe you work because its a privilege denied to many women before you.
But you have always been and will always be a full-time mum.
So what’s harder? Paid work or unpaid full-time home work?
For me, Staying at home is more emotionally draining and gong to work is more physically draining, I choose physical stress over the mental stress at the moment.
Last week I had to work interstate for a night, I ran a bath… I entered it on my own… I shaved my armpits and like a real bad arse i left the razor on the side of the bath- nobody cut themselves with it… I then left a glass of water by the side of my bed… A luxury I’d been denied for years… And to top if all off I had a glorious wank, the kind of wank you’d write home about if you let anyone at home know how much you love a good wank.
And then I returned home to find a human shit in my Ugg Boot.
So lets get real, both are just different kinds of next to impossible and then we’re expected to forge a respectful and loving marriage in the between…. LOL my husband and I wave goodbye to each other in the mornings with the middle finger perched high enough outside the car window for the whole street to get a glimpse at our #maritalbliss.
Whatever we choose to do, we do it for one reason. Because its what’s right for us right now.
And we are full time, full-hearted, full figured or fully slim and perfectly imperfect Queens.
Doing our shiz and doing it our way.
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