Bed Time Fun

Yesterday at my place.

The twins have a cold,

They are ok, just ruining my life by crying,


ย screaming, fighting each other for their rights to lie on my torso and scream. Stalking me, they thoroughly believe chasing me around the house and screaming will improve their health. My house feels like a scene out of The Walking Dead.

Bill has hired a chick to come over and clean my bathroom, it’s possible that my family has had a meeting about my “coping” behind my back. I don’t care, my bathrooms getting cleaned #win.

I freak out that the chick is judging the fact that my bathroom smells like an alley way behind a pub. One of the kids must be pissing in the shower. I pretend I’m shocked by the smell.

7pm Twins are done, I have lost it, can’t keep them awake any longer, it looks like even they are grieving my sanity.

Arlo doesn’t want dinner, it must be ground hog day, no fucks, he can have a can of tuna.

I put the twins to bed, everyone has always said that controlled crying will give them issues, well there is nothing controlled about this, they are crying, there is 2 of them, 1 one of me, I don’t have enough hands.

They cry themselves to sleep, it takes 12 seconds, I’m pretty sure they won’t grow up feeling abandoned. Fingers crossed.

9pm kids bed time. I have pretty much given up on Billie-V and Arlo going to bed in their own beds, I’m surprised that they let me sleep in my own bed with them and haven’t done some sort of controlled crying on me.

They won’t go to bed until I do and there isn’t enough hours in the day for me to introduce some kind of super nanny routine.

Everyone says they will have attachment issues because they co-sleep. Between that and the twins abandonment issues I can only hope that the shrink does family discounts.

I turn off the lights and lie with them shushing them, separating them, threatening to tell Billie-Vs teacher tomorrow that she won’t sleep. She tells me I’m the worst, I care not.

Bill goes to bed on the mattress in the next room, we don’t even bother suggesting otherwise anymore. No time for romance or even saying goodnight to each other, it’s great when your relationship evolves to a place where you no longer need to talk/look at each other/communicate.

Everyone says that the relationship needs the parent to sleep in the same bed. Family shrink.

9.45 Kids and I asleep.

12am Rumi wakes up, I go in, top up his panadol and give him another bottle.

I go back to sleep.

1am Snow wakes up, really hot. I give her medicine, swap beds with Bill so that I can co-sleep with Snow and make sure her temp goes down.

Bill brings her cold flannels.

After an hour her temp feels normal, I fall asleep.

4am Arlo wakes up and screams at me for leaving him #shitmum, I call out that I will be right back, that wakes Snow up again, I pat her on the bum, she goes back to sleep and thank fuck Arlo went back to sleep, reassured that I wasn’t lying about coming back. I was lying #shitmum.

5am Rumi is coughing, I lie there listening for something that sounds chokey, he’s fine, I can’t sleep, keep thinking that he might have choked in silence, I get up, check on him. He’s fine.๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿผ

I go back to sleep.

6am the rubbish truck wakes up Snow and Rumi. I want to punch the fuck-truck. Cunt truck. Fuck.

I get up.

Billie-Violet wakes up, tells me that she had a nightmare because I left them by themselves. Thank god I have her to remind me that I’m a #shitmum.

I boil the kettle and chuck the crown back on.

Ready to fight another day.

Definitely not a #shitmum

๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ’…๐Ÿผ wish me luck Queenies xxx

  1. Profile photo of Em :)
    Em :) 12 months ago

    Fuck your amazing xx sounds like my last night except with only 3 kids u legend !

  2. Profile photo of KiayaMay
    KiayaMay 12 months ago

    Your a super mum queen! Good luck with today. X

  3. Profile photo of saggytitts
    saggytitts 12 months ago

    dont you just love when they are all getting sick at once, and your usual 2and a half ours of sleep gets reduced to half hour….I sympathise, youngest is 8 and he has only been sleeping in his own bed for 12 mths….before that it was 6mths of on the lounge and if he woke I had to sit with him till he fell asleep, then it was 6mths with one of his sisters in his room with him for company, finally he now goes to bed in his own room without company…holy shit it felt like I would never be able to stretch out.

    do you wait for kids neurophen or advil or liquid paracetamole to go on special and buy in bulk like us lol..

    good luck on a bit of sleep soon,,,that or many many cups of coffee whichever you can get too first…you rock

  4. Profile photo of Shanai
    Shanai 12 months ago

    Loved reading this! Your such an amazing woman and mum. Good luck with today Queenie. Xx

  5. Profile photo of Amanda
    Amanda 12 months ago

    You always make me LOL as I sit and read your posts and nod my head very enthusiastically (like those bobble headed animals that sit on people’s dashboards) I realise that us mummas are all in this together. You say what I think all the time! And its just hilarious and makes my day.

    Thanks so much – I feel better now after a nightmare of a morning getting my twins fed, dressed, ready for school and myself – power to us mumma bears!


  6. Profile photo of Cat
    Cat 12 months ago

    Killing it ๐Ÿ˜˜

  7. Profile photo of Claire
    Claire 12 months ago

    Forget super nanny, super mum here !! Check you out , I only have 1 lil 1 now the others have all grown up and I struggle if she is poorly ! I think your amazing and can relate to so many items you post xx

  8. Profile photo of Jodes
    Jodes 12 months ago

    You deserve any extra Jewel in that crown love! Big deep breathes honey… we go again๐Ÿ’•

  9. Profile photo of Danielle
    Danielle 12 months ago

    Sounds like my week Monday late to work Tuesday late to work Wednesday off work with eldest child Thursday made it on time killing it pre school called baby is sick half day off work Today bring sick baby to work lol parenting is so damn hard lol

  10. Profile photo of Katie Scanlin
    Katie Scanlin 12 months ago

    Lovey – my boys co-slept with me (one at a time) until they were about 13. They are well-adjusted, normal sexual young men. I believed my kids were catching up on something they’d missed out on during the day – as a single mum working full time, prob not surprising!!
    Do what works xxx

  11. Profile photo of Jessie Girl
    Jessie Girl 12 months ago

    I send you virtual coffee โ˜•๏ธ Then a cocktail for nighttime ๐Ÿธ
    You are one amazing Queenie ๐Ÿ‘ธ๐Ÿฝ we are all foing it with you.
    The night before last I was only saying how much I hate fucken bed times! #fuckenbedtimes

  12. Profile photo of Lauren
    Lauren 12 months ago

    You are amazing! Thank you for reminding me people will criticise whatever you do as a parent and we all have shit days/nights.

  13. Profile photo of Jenny
    Jenny 12 months ago

    When my 2 (now 18 & 16), were toddlers I rang council to complain about the hour that the garbage trucks came around, though in my defence it was coming at 3.30am every week, these days they seem to only come that early every other week. Is it true that snot is a good polisher for crowns??

  14. Profile photo of mama_latte
    mama_latte 12 months ago

    As I read this the hair stood up on the back of my neck. We had four kids in four years with a set of twins and when they were little it was complete chaos. At one stage I was getting about 4 hours broken sleep and the sleep I was getting was in a Jason recliner with one of the twins who had silent reflux and then developed separation anxiety and wouldn’t let me put her down. Yay. I remember one time they all had gastro and I had to send my husband to Bunnings for more buckets. I used to wear my trainers all day because I would get one to sleep whilst they others all screamed and then run to the next child to try to get that one to sleep all the time hoping the ones that were still screaming wouldn’t wake up the ones that had just got to sleep. I feel your pain sister and the only thing I can say is do whatever works for you and your family. Go you. Mums are awesome. #sonotashitmum

  15. Profile photo of T
    T 12 months ago

    Yup, yup and yup. I know that feeling of…… losing. my. fucking. mind with the crying and the needing, and my god I just want to sleep. Your video drove it home though, the face. Somehow both tense and expressionless. Hope the bathroom cleaner works out. Poor babe, hope you get some sleep tonight.

  16. Profile photo of Kay
    Kay 12 months ago

    I was lying #shitmum

    nod nod nod! Thats my life.

  17. Profile photo of Sugar
    Sugar 12 months ago

    Dear Queen Constance, you are doing GREAT!!! Absolutely Great! And your family is lucky to have a Queen like you. I do hope everyone feels better soon. Love, Queen Sugar

  18. Profile photo of Petajean
    Petajean 12 months ago

    I hate seeing her suffer bark out that cough…Yeh this crupe thing is giving me the shits..

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