Little Users and Abusers

Do you know what Stockholm syndrome is?


It’s when someone is held captive or hostage and after a certain amount of time the hostage becomes “conditioned” to believe in some false sense of security or that they do in fact love this arsehole.

I think I have Stockholm syndrome.

That’s literally the only reasonable explanation for why I love toddlers so much despite the following factors…

1) They ruin your social life, I haven’t been invited to a friend house since the twins started walking. Maybe my friends are fucked, maybe my twins are fucked… Maybe it’s me 😳

2) They threaten you..

Toddlers love threatening us with their safety, they run right up to the road while you’re putting the newborn into the pram, staring at you, they are actually getting a rise out of your fear.

3) They can sense when you’re weak.. Pregnant or with a newborn or hungover, toddlers capitalise on your weakness. Don’t wake up hungover on a Sunday and not expect to hear chairs being dragged along the floor to to the fridge and your Ferrero Rochers being peeled open.

4) They stalk you.

There is no hiding from a toddler, no shitting in privacy, no quiet phone call, no special alone time feeding a baby… Toddlers are total creepy stalkers… Always watching.

5) They don’t let you nap.

Even if you’re heavily pregnant and manage to find a movie that they fucking love thinking you might get a sneaky nap in on the couch next to them.. Toddlers use super human strength to keep one eye on the TV and one eye on you, the minute you drift off their chubby little fingers will pry open your eyes.. There will be no sleeping mum.

Yet we laugh at all their stupid little jokes, we sniff their hair that smells like food mixed with sweat and that makes us melt. They smash us over the head with their bottles, we snatch it off them and snatch a kiss before they run off.

We go to ridiculous lengths to make them laugh.. We cancel nights out because we want to blow raspberries on their pokey out little bellies.

They are our sweet royal rulers and we blindly take honour in serving the little fuckers until the day we die.

Definite Stockholm syndrome. πŸ‘ŠπŸΌ

  1. Profile photo of Jeska
    Jeska 12 months ago

    THIS IS GOLD hahahaha I definitely have Stockholm Syndrome <3

  2. Profile photo of QueenMother
    QueenMother 12 months ago

    Just when you think it is all over, well mostly, my boys would not let me blow raspberries on their bellies anymore (in their 20’s early 30’s)….along come the grandies and it starts all over again. Everything revolves around them when they come to stay. Life as you have known it becomes life as you remembered it and the years just drop away, you have it all happening again and that shivery, dejavu feeling flashes over you. The only difference is the intensity seems to be greater because it is condensed relative to the time you spend with them. Those feelings are magnified and you want to give them the world, even if you only getting a fleeting hug for all your efforts. It is rejuvenating and exhausting all at the same time and then, at the end of the visit, you kiss them goodbye and try not to weep as they fight not to go…..then collapse on the couch with a glass of red! Love being a gandie πŸ˜€ <3

  3. Profile photo of QueenMother
    QueenMother 12 months ago

    Ummmm…. *grandie πŸ˜€

  4. Profile photo of Evie
    Evie 12 months ago

    This is hilarious!

  5. Profile photo of πŸ’—
    πŸ’— 12 months ago

    “Maybe my friends are fucked, maybe my twins are fucked… Maybe it’s me 😳” ha ha! You crack me up πŸ˜‚ And you’re right about loving to kiss and smell their hair that smells like food mixed with sweat πŸ˜‹ Beautiful writing Queen Constance, thank you again!

  6. Profile photo of Ceci
    Ceci 12 months ago

    So true! Was thinking something similar this morning when little miss 2 gave me an (accidental) nipple cripple then shouted “dance mummy dance!” laughing hysterically.

  7. Profile photo of Jenny
    Jenny 12 months ago

    I was the chick that couldn’t stay home on the weekend before my daughter was born. Even if I was tired or sick, I was finding a way out to shoot back a couple shots of crown and have some laughs with friends. Now, I find excuses to stay home and cuddle up with this little one. Don’t get me wrong, we all need out once I awhile. But these cute little assholes really got us in the palm of their hands.

  8. Profile photo of Tamara
    Tamara 12 months ago

    πŸ™Œ couldn’t have said it better my self

  9. Profile photo of Petie
    Petie 12 months ago

    I love this πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. I must have it too ☺

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