Breast feeding Woes

There are pros and cons to breast and bottle feeding, breast – you don’t have to make or wash anything, formula – you can get someone else do it..

Connie.breast

Even though I do remember going to sleep for a nap once and leaving Billie-V with Bill only to be woken up, he had pulled down my top and was cradling her as she sucked from my boob. Creepy.

Breast feeding ain’t always glamorous and it certainly isn’t easy.
When I was pregnant with my first baby I was really excited by that awesome connection between mum and baby, they suckle, you stroke their hair, your own hair’s blow dried and a glowing smile resides on your face…

I wasn’t expecting the royal fucking let down that for me was crying through the pain of bleeding, cracked nipples being sucked on innocently by a baby who was actually causing me unthinkable agony. A sweaty dread locked ponytail and a mild stench of sour milk, it wasn’t pretty.

Babies don’t all come out suckling, some need to be taught, teaching a baby to feed is hard and frustrating.
Once Bill stood on the other side of a closed door and asked me if I needed anything, I responded by throwing something at the door. He didn’t push the matter.

Expressing milk can pretty much just go and fuck itself, 3 of my babies have been over 5 weeks prem, a lot of expressing involved in premmie babies. I now have a rule, if I need to pump I’m switching to formula, nothing is worth the ordeal. A nipple that is being sucked through a breast pump looks kind of related to the image of a kid blowing his mouth against a window that you are on the other side of.. It’s just squashed and wrong. When someone pops over unannounced when you’re pumping you actually feel around with your free hand for something to throw at them.
I’m not saying it’s ok to throw things at your husbands friends, I’m saying it’s ok to want to.

The twins “self weaned” at 6 months old. Probably because I was giving them formula most of the time anyway..

Did my bond with them change?
No way, It strengthened. My bond with all of my children has strengthened as I have felt calmer, more relaxed, better rested and with the twins, that relaxation came in the form of formula.

Don’t ever consider yourself failing at breast feeding. Queens don’t fail.
Some continue, some change their minds, some never wanted to and some have no choice.

But none of them fail. πŸ‘Š

Baby is fed? Queenie’s a success.

Ps, yes this is a picture of me, sleeping, while breast feeding twins, while sitting up and actually being awake. Talk about multi tasking fucking glamour Queen. πŸ’…

πŸ’— Con

10 Comments
  1. Profile photo of Lindsey
    Lindsey 1 year ago

    I REALLY needed this right now. I gave birth to my 5th 11 days ago. I have not gotten milk with any of my kids…never felt the pain of engorgement, or swelling or leaking. I have pumped more then a Holstein Dairy Heifer is on a daily basis. But I still have a hard time. With every kid, I have become depressed and saddened that I have not been able to breastfeed. I have felt worthless, and like a failure. I have had these thoughts everyday the past 2 weeks. A lot of the nurses have told me to be patient it will come in. (IT NEVER HAS) I have given up this time. I pumped about 10 times total. Then there was a drop, a drop!! I was so excited, I nursed her once, for half hour. I thought woooo hooo, she got fed, I fed my baby! Then she ate 2 oz of formula, immediately. She obviously didn’t get much, as she still only eats 2 oz. She was a month early, spent 7 days in the NICU and I had a tubal the day after she was born. I had two epidurals because the first made me numb from my belly button to my neck, and two spinals for the tubal because the epidural moved. Sure, I felt like shit that I gave up so easy this time, but I am much more relaxed, I am able to care for my other kids, a 13 year old, 10 year old, 3 year old and 10 month old (W.T.F.) I, am a Queen. Thank you!!

  2. Profile photo of Petajean
    Petajean 1 year ago

    This is amazing, you’re a godsend…don’t suppose you’d share your feeding woes (older babies) ..as I feel like a big old fat failure there…boobs were no bother…I really do despair :(..it’s exhausting xxxx

  3. Profile photo of Cat
    Cat 1 year ago

    Loving this post.. Breast feeding is hard work! My 6 month old refuses to take a bottle so I’m stuck breastfeeding constantly, I feel like I don’t have a life anymore I can’t even go get a hair cut without taking her while she screams the place down because she’s bored… And it’s not for anything extravagant just a bloody cut to get out the spewy dreads haha

  4. Profile photo of MrsP
    MrsP 12 months ago

    I love this post! I’ve been breastfeeding for 11months now and just stopped this week. I miss feeding my baby but wanted to stop before she turned 1. It has always been easy for me to breastfeed I never had cracked/sore nipples…..just the odd leak! It was still hard work and very demanding there was so many days/nights I regretted my decision and would have happily gave my baby a bottle if she’d have taken it! I salute all Queens who get through it whether it be 1 week or 1 year! x

  5. Profile photo of Cindy
    Cindy 12 months ago

    This is such a great post and I agree 100%! I switched to formula after several rounds of mastitis, cracked nipples and more. I felt guilty at the start. But now I just use my experience to encourage all of my friends to feed their babies anyway that feels right for them!

  6. Profile photo of Alisa
    Alisa 12 months ago

    Thank you so much for this post–it was much needed!

  7. Profile photo of Jen17
    Jen17 12 months ago

    Oh yes! I think my husband was a wee bit terrified of me when I first started breastfeeding our twins. That nipples pain. Ouch! After 10 weeks and many tears she’d decided combination feeding night be better for my mental health. Felt a few pangs of guilt at first but it it was definitely the rite decision. Now four months on it finally no longer hurts everything I feed and my little twinkles are getting the best of both worlds.

  8. Profile photo of Nicky
    Nicky 12 months ago

    Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you …… Well, you get the idea Con! My baby is now gangly 12 yr old – healthy and happy. The nasty nurses sent me home before I knew what the hell I was doing. I freaked out he was going to starve so expressed for 3 long months before going to formula. I got so much shit for not breastfeeding and it became a shameful topic for me. Nobody wanted to own up to using formula. But slowly I’ve started to see the tide change a little and your blog totally nailed it. It’s so bloody true – when the feeding thing was sorted we became closer and happier. (Now he’s mowing through a trolley load of nectarines, Sultana Bran and Pringles – and that’s just for breakfast!)

    Rock on Queens 🎸⚑️🀘

  9. Profile photo of mel
    mel 12 months ago

    So true! Im a mumma of two boys πŸ˜ƒ 4 months and 3 yrs – breastfeeding is hard work but worth it, some days are harder the others! I found if i give H a formula bottle late afternoon that fills him up for a few hours and gets us all through Hell hour* at our house lol.

  10. Profile photo of Hailey
    Hailey 6 months ago

    It’s very important to not put any pressure on the mother if she decides to formula feed. As mothers, we should be embracing other mothers no matter what choices they make. We all just do what is best for our families at that time and that might not be what is best for others.
    Of course the nutritional benefits of breast milk are the best a baby can get, but formula nowadays comes really close to breast milk. Also, websites like https://myorganicformula.com offer only organic formulas, so you can make sure they are without chemicals, hormones and refined sugars.
    All the best,
    Hailey

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