Childless Queens

A lot of queens without children message me and ask me if I still believe in their queen-hood.

childless-queens

I have always believed in a universal wisdom, karma, a knowledge that everything happens for a reason.

Yet some of the biggest hearted women I know have, through circumstances and different biological factors been left without children.

While some choose not to have kids, others are women who wanted them desperately, women who had more to offer children than I could have dreamt. We’re left with empty wombs and shattered hearts.

Adopting is much easier said than done and fostering can come with its own set of heartaches.

My faith in the universe has been challenged, why would I be given 4 babies and some be given none? It can’t be a coincidence that the women with such a shining gift of warmth to offer a child were so often the ones left without. All that warmth and love goes to waste?

It absolutely does not.

Then I learnt something really powerful, there is a reason.. There is always a reason..

Children are a 24 hour job, a 24 hour blessing. But at the same time they hold us to them which limits our movements.

Some women are too powerful to be tied to their own children, too warm to be limited to one family. Some women need to be free to help, love, spread warmth all across the universe.

Some children need women without children of their own, if it’s just an inspiring chat at the shops one day, a deeper friendship that is hard to have with their own parents, even more of a hands on role to improve their lives, generating money for their community or simply a voice for the voiceless.

If you are a queen who wanted children but wasn’t blessed with any, remember that the reason could be because you yourself are a blessing and you have no idea how desperately the world needs you.

And you’re going to continue to inspire, reach and change the lives of everyone you touch. With no children of your own you are able touch so many more.

There is nothing more queenly than that.

Don’t ever question yourself, your queen-hood or your power. 👑👊🏼

Love Con xx

31 Comments
  1. Profile photo of Bec678
    Bec678 11 months ago

    Amazing as always Con…And articulate as fuck xo

  2. Profile photo of Ang
    Ang 11 months ago

    Brilliant as always 😀

  3. Profile photo of YouMayDance
    YouMayDance 11 months ago

    This is amazing. ❤️ Although we are still trying, these words have touched me deeply, and I will always keep this in the back of my head when I feel like a failure of a woman or even a wife. Thank you.❤️

  4. Profile photo of QueenGabby
    QueenGabby 11 months ago

    This post is the most exquisite thing I have ever read. I was that warm woman who would float in and out of many women’s lives and help them in their darkest hour.
    I would love their children and nurture them like they were my own, yet always bitterly disappointed that my insides yearned for one of my own so very badly, with disappointment after disappointment after disappointment and 6 years of trying.
    I am finally 4 months pregnant with a baby that wants to stay with me, but my heart still aches for those still on the disappointment train.
    All women are queens, no matter what their circumstance.
    You are a Goddess for posting this Con. xoxox

  5. Profile photo of Moo
    Moo 11 months ago

    Thank you.
    Really.
    I am 43 and have never met a guy I want to marry, and I never wanted kids outside of marriage.
    I love my wee nephew and other two young Godsons and am slowly coming to terms with that being enough.
    I love kids, I get on well with them and I’d be lying if I said I’m not sad they’re passing me by.
    I have to be realistic.
    Thanks for making me feel better for going against the flow.

  6. Profile photo of QueenMother
    QueenMother 11 months ago

    I am so thankful for my Aunty who never had children. She was, and still is, my rock. My boys had my sister who had no children and they adored her.
    She was their Fun-Aunty during their childhood and into their early adulthood until she died on her 45th birthday.
    Everybody should have a Fun-Aunty or an Aunty who is special to them. She does not even have to be blood related.
    Childless Queens, you may not have thought about it, but are you special to your nieces and nephews, or even to someone else’s children?
    You may not have your own children as such, and I know this can be heart breaking, but it does not mean you are not giving and receiving all that love relationships with children can bring.
    You are very special people ….. xxxx

  7. Profile photo of emmdicko
    emmdicko 11 months ago

    The same can be said for the hubby’s who have no children. I’ll be telling this to my husband who is such a special man for my children. He is quite clearly “a blessing and he has no idea how much he is needed”.

  8. Profile photo of Prue
    Prue 11 months ago

    That was a really lovely thing to write. I was a childless women who struggled for years to have a baby and went through 9 miscarriages and 2 failed rounds of IVF. I never felt like a Queen at the time as I struggled so badly but now I have a 9 month old miracle who was conceived naturally. Childless Queens who are desperately wanting a child, keep trying, don’t lose hope, try not to lose your strength. You are a Queen as you are usually quietly dealing with heartbreak while Queens all around you are falling pregnant at the drop of a hat. You are a Queen xx

  9. Profile photo of Jessica
    Jessica 11 months ago

    So beautifully written.

  10. Profile photo of Nadia
    Nadia 11 months ago

    Thanks you so much for writing this, my babies may make it all the way to birth and beyond one day but so fabulous to be reminded of what all the children in my life give me x

  11. Profile photo of Francie
    Francie 11 months ago

    My sister is the biggest queen of all. She has always wanted children, and would make the most incredible mum. Her and her husband were going to try for a baby 4yrs ago however they found out she had kidney cancer. After removing her kidney she thought all was well getting scans every 6months. 2 yrs later the cancer came back. More surgery, they removed part of her liver. This bad ass bitch kicked ass for two years running marathons and planning to start a family. Last November just before they were going to try for a family she had one last scan, only to be told that the cancer is everywhere and there is nothing they can do. She has 3-5yrs max to live and is only 34yrs old. This queen will never fulfil her dream of having a child. However she is the most inspiring primary teacher and Aunty to her nieces and nephews. Xx

  12. Profile photo of QueenDan
    QueenDan 11 months ago

    I love the shit out of my child free Queen friends, and have walked beside a few who have gone down the fertility treatment path and held their hands as one little line shows up AGAIN on that pee stick and hugged them while they cried. And I have watched childless by choice Queens galavant around the globe DOMINATING their own path. But to the mum at playgroup who had IVF twins at 41 who openly berated my 22 year old self after I disclosed I had a termination, letting me know what a selfish horrible person I was, since there were so many people like her in the world who would love a baby: Fuck you. Don’t make me feel guilty for my decision. I know it was tough for you to fall pregnant. And it was easier than breathing for me to do so. But you are not me living my life.
    I still wish I had dragged my jaw of the ground and told her that at the time, instead of feeling like I would die of shame and guilt.

  13. Profile photo of Nicki
    Nicki 11 months ago

    Oh Constance you always seem to amaze me, how beautiful your soul is

  14. Profile photo of Courts101
    Courts101 11 months ago

    This is great!
    I am a foster carer and don’t have my own Children. I currently have a 17month old boy in my care and I’ve had him for nearly 9 months!
    It’s made me more clucky than ever before and one day I hope I am gifted with a little one of my own. But until that point comes in my life, I feel blessed enough to help these small Children grow and develop while due to many circumstances they can’t be with their birth parents. Hats off to all you women with and without Children! We all have a purpose on this earth ♡♡♡

  15. Profile photo of Kath
    Kath 11 months ago

    Thank you.
    Having lost one bub early on in the pregnancy then trying for two years following, being too old to adopt and IVF being unattainable financially, it breaks my heart each month to discover we failed yet again. The past 12 months have been incredibly hard with babies snd pregnancies all around me. I’ve been so down on occasion I’ve spent days hiding under my bed sheets, crying, unable to adult. I get on with it.
    It’s so true, so much love to give, and nothing we’ve wanted more as a couple than to start our own family.
    I’m the favourite aunty, the cool aunt, mums awesome tattooed, dreadlocked friend; and that’s great.
    Sometimes it’s not enough.
    I appreciate you recognize the childless ladies are still Queens in their own right. My dogs are my babies. It counts!
    💗

  16. Profile photo of Cat
    Cat 11 months ago

    Heart wrenching.. I also know the feelin of trying and trying and trying 7 years later I am thankful every day for my 6 month old daughter even tho it is hard some days

  17. Profile photo of Frida
    Frida 11 months ago

    The world definitely needs them! Other women without children need them! There is such a divide between women who have and women who don’t. I am married, don’t have kids and am not sure if it will happen. My friends without kids are my saving grace!!

  18. Profile photo of UK Queen
    UK Queen 11 months ago

    Thank you Con. I am a childless queen currently going through IVF and your words meant so much to me, they made me cry. I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now and despite you talking a lot about being a mother and kids (topics I usually struggle with right now), I love it and look forward to what you will have to say each day. We need to look out for other queens more and celebrate our differences so I love this movement! You’re the best! Keep doing what you’re doing! From a queen in the UK xx

  19. Profile photo of Rebekah dickson
    Rebekah dickson 11 months ago

    Thank you so much for putting this up in really needed on hear this it is so supporting.
    You are an amazing one of a kind person.
    Wish there was more people like you in the world kia Kaha xx

  20. Profile photo of oxymoron
    oxymoron 11 months ago

    Thank you so much for this post, you have no idea how much I needed it today right now this moment. It can be so very lonely, isolating and wearing, forever wanting. I’m at the point of keep going (against all odds, forsaking sanity) or moving on and trying to find our happy. Big love to all the children we have in our lives, at the moment I hurt and am trying to Mother myself through this. [email protected] awesome to be part of the Queen Gang, thank you and thank you all other shares, you have all been a light in a dark day xx

  21. Profile photo of Flower175
    Flower175 11 months ago

    You are an inspiring woman and a beautiful soul. Thankyou Con, your words and insight are so lovingly received. True compassion xx

  22. Profile photo of PennyPanda
    PennyPanda 11 months ago

    I look forward to your posts – they provide much needed comic realness for me. However, I am a childless Queen so have always felt I am reading from the standpoint of someone standing outside looking in. But this post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for speaking directly to my heart and for looking out for all Queens 🙂 I’m inspired to keep up the long hard fight husband and I have had to have a child of our own, and in the meantime will continue to love and support all the other Queens (and their kids) in my life. Love your work xox

  23. Profile photo of Nia Harwood
    Nia Harwood 11 months ago

    I couldn’t have put this better myself. I remember when I was a teenager I would often come across women or friends of my mothers that used to amaze me & when I would argue with my mother I would instantly think of these women and wonder how good my life would be if they were MY mother (obviously being a brat at the time and just wanting my own way). And you know what all these women had in common? They had no kids, (for various reasons).
    Becoming a mum for the first time 8 weeks ago I now see the difference in perspective and attitude before my son arrived and now. It is kind of weird and hard to put into words but I totally understand every avenue that my mother went down when she used to majorly piss me off …. But before I had Benny, even up to 8 weeks ago, I still didn’t get it….
    But the magical thing about the attitude of a woman who is childless is that she grabs the attention of a child instantly – which can often be impossible for a mother to do at times.

    You are so right when you say that the world needs these people because I have so many childless superhero ladies that inspired me whilst growing up and I most definitely needed them. X

  24. Profile photo of vicki hurrell
    vicki hurrell 11 months ago

    This made me sob more than anything, im so thankful to have 4 children in my life, 2 may not share me as their mother but i love them just the same.

  25. Profile photo of Lou
    Lou 11 months ago

    Heart warming read which really resonated with me. Thank you for making me think about our infertility in a different light. And it’s so true! We have so much love for the kids (and now teenagers) we have around us xxx

  26. Profile photo of Danielle Riseley
    Danielle Riseley 11 months ago

    This is amazing <3 Thank you for thinking of foster mummies <3

  27. Profile photo of Josie Collier
    Josie Collier 7 months ago

    Ever since I can remember, I’ve felt strongly that I was born to be a Mother. As a child, I walked around with a baby name book in tow dreaming of future kids names on the tip of my tongue. At 18, I got accepted to be a foster carer even though 21 is the legal age – they made an exception due to my passion for helping others and having a heart for kids. I’d dream of the uncomfortability of pregnancy and wake up with my feet still tingling from dreaming they’d be swollen from pregnancy and clutching my abdomen for a phantom belly that didn’t exist. I have numerous nieces and nephews I care for deeply and adopt-in-my-heart many other children I become close with and Mum-lecture like it was made for me. This has being my life since I can remember. I was born to Motherhood.

    Earlier this week – I found out I won’t be able to have my own children due to PCOS and problems with my endometrium wall. I’ve being in a bit of a state of numbness and pretending for all but one who I’ve told that nothings changed and everything is fine and happy. This made me cry which I think is the first real emotion I’ve felt since I first found out.

    Thankyou Con, in all your Queenliness – for being an amazing Queen of Queens and beauty of acceptance. <3

  28. Profile photo of Sharron Colquhoun
    Sharron Colquhoun 5 months ago

    Beautifully said!
    I struggled with infertility for over 5 years, battling through numerous IVF attempts, trying almost every other type of therapy known to man, and riding that emotionally (sometimes soul destroying) rollercoaster that is infertility …. I finally fell pregnant with my son Sam, who is now 8. Towards the end of it all, I thought I was never going to fall pregnant, and eventually began to start to make mental plans to move on with my life and plan other goals such as travelling and/or becoming an injured wildlife carer. When I finally fell pregnant with my son, I was torn between joy and the feeling of bracing myself for the usual disappointment and heartbreak to happen …. I couldn’t allow myself to fully celebrate until I finally had his healthy little body safe and sound in my arms. He really is my little miracle of life, and I love him more than words can say.

    Your description of childless Queens is so incredibly inspiring, and insanely comforting, its a reminder how special we all are and that everyone has a loving purpose in life in some way shape or form … I hope all the childless Queens out there find comfort in that, as I know I certainly would have back when I was struggling for some answers and I thank you for that.

    I sign off now by sending so much love and appreciation out there to my 92 year old childless aunty slash-Queen, who has been such a treasure and joy to all of her nieces and nephews (inc. great nieces and nephews) by giving us so much of her time and unconditional love and guidance over the years … she has been one of the greatest influences in my life and is a true testament to the truth that we all have so much to give, whether we are mothers or not xx

  29. Profile photo of Nic
    Nic 2 months ago

    Wow!! Some beautiful words shared here. I too am someone who desperately want children in my life. However I guess the universe has something else planned for me.
    My partner and I have been together for almost 13 years now, through the years we’ve both thought about and talked about what it must feel like to be parents. Now that we are in our 30s and all our friends have children of their own it is hard to sit by and watch them be awesome teachers to the little people in their lives! It’s especially hard when we’re asked why we don’t have kids. I always die inside, and try to change the subject quick smart before I am overcome with sadness. I sometimes lay in bed at night and wish and hope that one day I might be lucky to conceive, and every month I hope like crazy that my period doesn’t arrive. It literally brings tears to eyes. I don’t live an extravagant life, and I don’t party and travel like most childless couples, but I do love the freedom of being able to drop everything and zip off to where ever when ever. But hey I would absolutely give everything up in a heart beat to be able to conceive and hold a piece of me and my love in my arms.

    Thank you Con for the positive spin and shining a light in my darkness xx

  30. Profile photo of Kerryn
    Kerryn 2 months ago

    Thank you Con.
    Childless & single at 32.
    Have all the love to give to children just maybe not my own.

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