MIA Libido

A LOT of queens have been talking to me lately about libido…. Or lack of it..

Connie.libido

I wanted to come up with some wisdom or advise, only I couldn’t……. Mines fucked off too..

When I was single… Woah.. I mean I wasn’t the worlds biggest horn bag porn watcher… But I could give a dam good rogering in my time, when I first met Bill, drunk one night I asked him to do me in the disabled toilets at the pub, he said no and has teased me ever since but the point is I wanted to!!!

Well, isn’t Bill kicking himself now… He didn’t realise my Libido was going to put itself on long service leave…. Possibly even retire.

I first noticed a switch when I’d had Billie-Violet it took ages to want to be touched, I guess after having a baby in my arms all day and most of the night I felt all touched out and just wanted space. But it was more then that, it was hormonal.

Almost like my body was telling me too keep my husbands wang away. My vag became a no wang zone. Eventually, my hormones settles and I could entertain the idea of wang again, but I certainly was not cracking a slippery at the idea of it.

Now after I’ve had 3 more children I can safely say the I’m about to put my libido’s photo on a carton of milk- It’s totally MIA.

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Is it wrong that I fantasise over cheesecake?

Like maybe if you lathered up in cheesecake I could eat it while you have your way with me andΒ  then maybe I too would look forward to our monthly bang??

Our relationship therapist told us that it’s really common, he told us that the intimacy a queen gets from her children is incredibly strong and can leave us feeling full and content, like we no longer need sexual intimacy….

He also told us never to give up on intimacy with each other, he said that if you work on it, it will come back, it just takes time.

So I will give hubster some honey…. (Post snip of course) and naturally, I will let you all know how it goes.

In the mean time, Bill can just go on living in regret for not banging me that day in the disabled toilets that night 😱

πŸ’— Con

43 Comments
  1. Profile photo of saggytitts
    saggytitts 11 months ago

    you are brilliant. I wish I could feel so self assured to speak up and say I just dont feel like it…but more often than not I instigate just to make sure he knows I love and want him…even when im terrified of another vag infection, with my diabetes and my blood sugars not under control yet despite doing everything I can I get infections down there really easy,,,so sex now terrifies me, last time the infection was so bad the doctor doing a soft swab to check caused inside my vag to start bleeding, so painful too…4 weeks of antibiotics and almost starving to get my sugar levels down and it finally went away,

    I would love to suggest to hiim to get the snip so I could go off the pill, i take so many tablets now Im sure I would rattle if you shook me…but I dare not…I am so completely terrified of rejection,,not his fault, a sideaffect of my friendless life.

    but I digress, I loved the feeling of being horney, I miss it..do you think all the libidos are off at a resort somewhere, if so when yours comes back can you ask it to message mine to come home..

    • Profile photo of Marion
      Marion 11 months ago

      Yeah Diana diabetes is a bitch aye. Just more shit we have to deal with. We please everyone else then check our blood sugar.
      I’d rather go to bed and read my book most nights. Libido MIA maybe it’s where the odd socks go. Ha ha

  2. Profile photo of Steph
    Steph 11 months ago

    Dittoooooo! We used to have the best sex life.. It makes me sad that it’s gone. Well, almost gone. When I lay in bed though, all I want to do is fall asleep, for those couple hours before our son wakes up – and ” I ” get up to nurse him and put him back to bed.

    Always so on point, Con. πŸ‘ŒπŸ»

    Just love yaaaa, his fault for not banging you in the diabled bathrooms for sure. ❀️

  3. Profile photo of Adele
    Adele 11 months ago

    Best I’m doing is, I’ll say dirty words whilst being on all fours then that’s it, fuck off, I need sleep!!!!

  4. Profile photo of Kenson
    Kenson 11 months ago

    So much appreciation for you Constance!. Thank you for covering this topic.I have 2 children myself and my Libido has never really returned to what it used to be. Its has gotten better but still not anywhere it used to be. The key is to not give up. I’m not a very affectionate person and that got worse after having kids. My baby was enough affection for me let alone a man hanging off me. But, I love my husband and hated seeing him loose me even more. We have been through lots of ups and downs but the key is just to keep trying, don’t give up on the intimacy. It will slowly return, maybe never to where it was before but it will slowly pop its head out. Thanks Constance for not making us feel alone on these topics. xx

  5. Profile photo of Tamara'lee
    Tamara'lee 11 months ago

    Thank you Queen Con! I thought I was going bat shit crazy! Seriously some nights I am so fucked from being a mum all day that I hand him the lube…. do it yourself.. I must say by now he must be a fucking king at it.

  6. Profile photo of Petal
    Petal 11 months ago

    Bahahahaha I had to join JUST so I could say that “cracking a slippery” is the best term I have EVER heard. Ever.

  7. Profile photo of Mel
    Mel 11 months ago

    The man am I use to have sex every night/day, talked it up and had fun, after our daughter was born I still wanted him but now she’s 2yrs old and full one we never do it, I don’t want to, nor does he!!!
    I was putting it down to being tired but after reading this blog and the part about the kids hanging off us 24/7 being more then enough touching makes so much sense!!!

  8. Profile photo of Megan
    Megan 11 months ago

    We have an 18 month old. Pre-baby our sex life was awesome. Last night he went to spoon me and pulled me closer and I literally jumped across the bed and said “don’t touch me!”. No idea why I did it, he said he just wanted a hug (lol yeah right), but I immediately felt awful πŸ˜“πŸ˜“

  9. Profile photo of Flower82
    Flower82 11 months ago

    Thank you so much for this post.
    I actually thought I was the only one. A couple of friends I had told that I’d felt like this weren’t the same and I was seriously beginning to feel l was abnormal.
    We used to have a great sex life and then after my daughter was born it was 8 months before I could even think about sex (I had an episiotomy with x2 infections afterwards) he gets it once a month now if he’s lucky cos to be honest I’d rather have more sleep or eat some chocolate.
    I do feel sad though I’d like my sex drive to come back I really enjoyed sex before. I swear hormones are to blame for everything!
    Love this website and your blog thank you for keeping it real! I think we all feel at times we sound be this perfect parent but we are human and I’m so glad you share it with us. Makes me feel like I’m not a shit mum because I’d rather watch paint dry than do crafts with my daughter

  10. Profile photo of Dana
    Dana 11 months ago

    Let him spend the entire day with the kids and see if he’s still up. You might be. Idiots

  11. Profile photo of Stacey S
    Stacey S 11 months ago

    Another stellar blog! So true all of it. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but it does happen.

    And yes, ‘cracking a slippery’ is pure gold!!

  12. Profile photo of Rebecca
    Rebecca 11 months ago

    Love this post! It makes me not feel guilty for getting annoyed at my husbands request for sex at the end of the day after putting a toddler and 4 month old to bed!
    I swear what I think in my head, you write it!
    Love the blog, love you, love all the queens πŸ™‚

  13. Profile photo of Brooke
    Brooke 11 months ago

    I was the same when my kids were younger…but my libido seems to have found it’s way back to me now that my kids are older and more independent. My hubby & I get to spend more time together when the kids are off doing their own thing with their friends (they are 16 & 10) we even started doing “it” during the day again & that’s a miracle in itself because I thought I would never be that type of woman again & it’s brought us closer without it always being about the kids. Oh & hubby is bloody stoked to have his hot wife back πŸ™‹πŸΌπŸ‘‘

  14. Profile photo of Paige
    Paige 11 months ago

    cracking a slippery – ha ha ha ha ha!! Love that!

    My son is now 10 and I’m finally back to feeling frisky. πŸ™‚ For a lot of those 10 years I was pissed at my hub for not doing his share and not appreciating all that I did. I’ve finally gotten past that and things are pretty good again. Wish it hadn’t taken so long, but better now than not.

  15. Profile photo of Lauren Sands
    Lauren Sands 11 months ago

    Thank you Con, you have just made my year (well 3 years since my last baby) to know im not the only one. Poor husband doesn’t seem to understand but the thought of intimacy sometimes makes me wanna puke! Thought I was strange and that our relationship was doomed to fail but its good to know im not the only one – showing this post to my husband tonight.

  16. Profile photo of Queen Heather
    Queen Heather 11 months ago

    This is such a hard one because men (and not ALL men) do equate sex as love – so when they aren’t getting any they feel unloved. None of us like being rejected. I always yearned for a nice cuddle but I even found myself avoiding this because once you start to get even a little bit intimate they think they are ‘In like Flynn” so then you start doing it when you really don’t want to just for peace sake and then the resentment starts to set in

  17. Profile photo of Tani J
    Tani J 11 months ago

    First of all, how fucking great is Constance? I mean, she literally says what we’re all thinking. Constance, I’ve spent the past 6 and a half years with my partner. We have two kids and one on the way. Before kids – I would make sure my partner was well looked after in the bedroom. After kids – Just don’t touch me! But luckily enough, my partner understands. He sees what I do daily. He knows exactly what it’s like as we switched positions for 8 months last year where I was working full time and HE was a stay at home DAD! Our 4 year old boy has autism, what a handful. Everything I do is wrong. Everything I say is wrong. Everything I cook is not good enough. Like fuck off. But you know, I love him anyhow. Then I have this full on almost two year old, who is so full of love that he won’t get off my leg that he’s clung to 24/7. He’s beautiful, but I’m tired. My libido – It must be still lurking, as I’m 6 weeks pregnant. Why am I doing this again? Because I’m a queen, and I love my darlings, I do. Power to all you queens ❀️

  18. Profile photo of Nicky
    Nicky 11 months ago

    My babies are 7 and almost 10, so sex life is getting back to the usual friskiness. The problem is I don’t seem to be able to orgasm with sex! I don’t know if it’s from all the interruptions to our morning romps or what but it sux!

  19. Profile photo of Nadia
    Nadia 11 months ago

    Wow, exactly how I’ve felt after my three year kids…OK when I had one I was fine and now with a one and two year old. Like are you fucking trip kidding I have babies who steal all MY TIME. The little bit of actual MY TIME I have is precious. Like no sorry,, I will not have sex with you. His touch actually disgusts me as some point . .it’s like almost annoying to know that he’s expecting sex as we Kay down. Nope If im gonna be be up for an extra day hour I’d rather clean or do whatever I wanna do bit what you want me to do, IDK….

  20. Profile photo of Tara
    Tara 11 months ago

    So that’s the reason why was beginning to think my had run away! Phew least I know we can get it back! Nothing since our son was born 6months ago 😒😒 OK think it’s time to chat with hubby and work through this dry patch xx thanks Con your awesome you’ve made me chuckle at stupid o’clock when up with snot monster and also made me realise a few things to xx

  21. Profile photo of Chelle
    Chelle 11 months ago

    AH. Thank you Con!
    Literally everything I feel you put into words!
    I’ve been a quiet follower for some time now I just love reading everything you write and how many like minded Queens there are!

    I’M NOT ALONE! πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰

  22. Profile photo of Charlie B
    Charlie B 11 months ago

    OMG, at last I do not feel like the only person in the world who doesn’t want to be intimate with my hubby. Our daughter is almost 2 and she’s the best thing in life my number one.
    Sex was awesome now beds are for sleeping in and nothing else.. hubby is amazing so understanding and together we’ll get there.
    He knows what’s good for him he’ll wait. X

  23. Profile photo of QueenVictoria
    QueenVictoria 11 months ago

    You are amazing! Thank you for your honesty, you never fail to make me giggle. Xx

  24. Profile photo of Shanizzle
    Shanizzle 11 months ago

    This scares the shit out of me! I love my libido – more than red lipstick – & it’s already plummeted; the thought of it packing house & buggering off, I don’t love that.

    Will my body ever return to the passionate, love nest it was pre-preggers? Or is it all saggy tits/ass/va-China with no spontaneous love-tingles from here on out?

    (First time Mum, post wine guzzler & laugh-out-loud thigh slapper)

  25. Profile photo of Reb88
    Reb88 11 months ago

    Last night I picked a fight over nothing when we were in bed so that I could pretend to be pissed off / sulking so he wouldn’t make a move. Elaborate plan I know. I’m just soooo tired all the time. I sometimes wish he could feel how my body feels so that he’d understand why I’m not in the mood.

    I’d guess his ideal would be 4 times a week. For me I’d be perfectly fine with once a month. I feel so bad about that. It’s on my mind quite a lot. The funny thing is the sex is great but still I’m rarely in the mood. I’m sure he feels hard done by and thinks that all other wives and girlfriends are instigating sex every night. I need to get him to read this blog!

  26. Profile photo of Francie
    Francie 11 months ago

    I feel like you’re blogging my life! Every night I sit and read your blog and think YES YES YES!!!
    Thank you for making my days.
    I think you are the best therapy.

  27. Profile photo of Renata
    Renata 11 months ago

    Thank you. I mean, THANK YOU.
    Thank you for making me feel I am not alone on this one.

  28. Profile photo of k8eray
    k8eray 11 months ago

    I call it MOA, mummy out of action! After having my second I am totally not interested, Unless he does a whole week of night feeds, buys me chocolate, makes me feel sexy, and pushes all my buttons before expecting me to push his, my legs stay officially crossed… Oh and the snip would help too! Not asking much am I? If I’m honest exhaustion is a massive factor, but I don’t like my own body at all at the moment so the thought of him finding it remotely attractive seems a bit of an ask! Hopefully time will help how I feel??? X

  29. Profile photo of Gosia
    Gosia 11 months ago

    When I was 6 weeks after birth of my son his father wanted to have sex with me. He did and I thought it’s ok although I was in FUCKIN PAIN. He didn’t feel comfortable with my noises so ‘I had to finish him off with my mouth’.
    Took me two years but he’s now an ex.

    Had to overshare.

  30. Profile photo of Mari
    Mari 11 months ago

    Yes for monthly shag!! We have a fortnight shag when we have a good month. Once when I’m horny and ovulating and once when I’m horny just right before my cycle. When we have a bad month, we just do it before the cycle. Other times are out of the question. Don’t fucking touch me!! And when we fight that means an extra week of “why do you all have be on top of me?? All the time!!”

    I’m from northern Europe and we don’t talk much and we touch even less. I live in Italy now. How ironic is that! I only have 2 children (2yo and 1yo), but it seems like a 10 000-man army to me. And then comes my partner, who actually is not my partner because we are separated but we still keep living, eating and sleeping together. He didn’t get the moving out part πŸ˜‰ That’s kind of confusing, right? And HE then laments about how cold I am to him and there’s no intimacy left between us. Yeah? You kiddin’ me? What about bearing those kids of yours and giving birth to them, and then breastfeeding in total together over 2 years (I quit breastfeeding 10 days ago) and putting them to sleep, caressing them and still carrying the little-one, bacause she is refusing to walk on her own. Did you try all this and did you have some cuddle-energy left?? Well.. I don’t and I am sorry. But that is something that you need to suck it up..

    Because I’m a damn queen! πŸ˜‰

  31. Profile photo of Sid
    Sid 11 months ago

    Your like rabbits in the beginning and wen trying to get pregnant. Then bam game over.
    By the time my second child was born I had no interest in sex. I didn’t even want to be touched. Having my youngest child hang off of me all day as well as caring for a special needs child I had nothing else to give when hubby walked through the door. I was struggling with life but instead of supporting me he found someone else to give him what I cud not.

  32. Profile photo of Kirsty Scott
    Kirsty Scott 11 months ago

    He moans at me I don’t instigate things. Mostly as I can’t be fucked. I am too tired, too fed up, too hormonal, too bored. He doesn’t even like blow jobs, what gives?

    I can’t even go on top, or all fours as have had knee surgery and waiting for a coil to be shoved in. So condoms have been used, which are shit, they break. Which just makes me think, why bother at all.

  33. Profile photo of Toni
    Toni 11 months ago

    Hey Constance
    I love your raw talking and saying things how they are. Sadly my MIA libido was one of the main reasons my ex husband and I split. He equated sex with love… So yeah after a second attempt at being together I am on my own. Apparently not even once a week was enough…

  34. Profile photo of Angela
    Angela 11 months ago

    Just had my 2nd child 3.5 months ago and my desire for sex is just gone gone gone.
    I did and do try to remember my husbands needs but he is often finding himself sliding down my list of priorities.
    I find it really an odd sensation, not feeling the least turned on.
    Mostly I feel guilty; my hubby knows I am struggling and keeps muttering about hormones but he still keeps giving it his best shot.
    Last night though I thought I would give him a treat, focus on him, but he reached for my breasts mid “job” and I had just gotten finished feeding my daughter and I swear I had to resist the urge to not …. bite down …. because being touched was the absolute last thing I wanted and I became so angry. I am already giving him a BJ, cant he just leave my very delicate breasts alone.
    Sigh…. i do miss feeling like I want to. I do hope it comes back. Faking it is way too hard just now.

  35. Profile photo of Joanne
    Joanne 11 months ago

    So much truth!! Awesome knowing I’m not alone!!
    I used to be an absolute horn bag!!! I’d be the one begging my hubby for sex, & it was a running joke in our friendship circles that I wanted sex more than my hubby! Now, with a 16 mth old, who doesn’t sleep through, takes so long to get to sleep, working three days a week and trying to look like I gave my shit together after my diagnosis of PND & PNA…. The mood does not strike!!! It’s great when we do, and I do feel a re-connection when we do do it, but yeah the need is long gone!! Hopefully just MIA for the short while!! However I think I big thing men need to think about is foreplay…and not kissing, caressing kinda foreplay, I mean stacking the dishwasher, hang out the washing, take the child for a few hours!!… Now Thats the kinda stuff I’d be “cracking a slippery” more often over!!

  36. Profile photo of Alaina
    Alaina 11 months ago

    I’m 36 weeks pregnant with our first and haven’t wanted anything to do with sex since the beginning of the second trimester. Like I miss sex, but I want nothing to do with it. The thought of all the work that goes into it is enough to make me exhausted without even having to do it. I feel absolutely terrible for my husband who goes on and on about how sexy I am and how he wants me and I feel bad. We tried to do it a month ago and not only did it hurt, but I couldn’t get in the mood, no matter how hard I tried. And as much as I feel guilty about it, I thank my lucky stars for porn so he can at least get off and leave me alone. But still, I MISS my libido!!!!!

  37. Profile photo of Queen kez
    Queen kez 11 months ago

    Buy some sex toys and play with them alone until you actually get to orgasm and enjoy! Put the TV on for the kids and lock the bedroom door for 15 minutes, they will be fine…once you get your libido and spark back on your own you will want to share your sexy self with your man. I have four kids and a great sex life and work at it. Sometimes it’s just lube and a handjob for him but usually it’s pretty dam good! Remember sex is like chocolate, the more you have the more you want. I can go three months without chocolate …. But do I want to? Love your work Con x

  38. Profile photo of Ang
    Ang 11 months ago

    I weaned my son off boobie 2 months ago and my hormones went crazy, I couldn’t even stand my husband hugging me let alone his penis coming near me! the thought of sex disgusted me. things are improving now though, we’ve done it twice this week!

  39. Profile photo of Scrufflet
    Scrufflet 11 months ago

    my OH is HIV positive which provides a multitude of opportunities for headfuckery for the both of us. Him because it creates a fuckton of barriers, from the psychological (feeling infected, dirty, dangerous. The thoughts are his to work through and I can’t change them just by saying he’s not) to the physical (side effects from meds and possibly lower testosterone levels) his libido is usually on a knife edge and has definitely been MIA for months now.
    I am struggling to wrap my head around knowing I am absolutely loved, adored and respected by a man who simply cannot bring himself to have sex with me. I am trying very hard to keep a shiny crown on my head when I have to draw back every time I am overwhelmed with the need for intimacy. I try to hide how sad I am to protect him because I don’t have to go through what he’s gone through. Thankfully we talk, there were times when he reacted with this explosive, destructive frustration and anger that was all directed inwards and was painful to watch. But now we talk.
    Amazingly we are pregnant. I can’t imagine the courage it took for him to have unprotected sex. Maybe these months of no libido are a hangover from him having to do the terrifying.
    That’s all. I think I just needed to say all that. I don’t like to talk about it with people close to us because it’s his thing, he has to live with it, it’s not about me. But it’s cool I have a crown

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