I’m done Cooking

A few nights ago dinner could possibly be remembered as the night that mummy quit cooking.

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Because I made chicken and rice, Billie-Violets favourite and a general no brainer, I added garlic and onion so that Bill didn’t get upset with the lack of flavour yet cut them up really finely to disguise the flavour because amongst other things Arlo hates flavour.

Arlo doesn’t like any fruit or vegetables except broccoli so broccoli is a given with every meal.

The twins can have rice for all I care.

Only Billie-Violet turned her fucking nose up at the chicken because it has “bits” in it, apparently I now need to blend onions and garlic, my kids are like sniffer dogs and veggies are cocaine. I point out to Billie-Violet how totally fucking odd it is that an animal lover would turn her nose up at chicken because it has garlic and onion in it…

I told Arlo that dinner was ready and he didn’t even look up from the IPad to see what I had made all he managed was the following pearls of wisdom

“I hate dinner”

Billie-Violet informed me that she no longer likes broccoli and she unwraps another Le snack from the cupboard.

Mean while my window to feed the twins in is slowly closing as they refuse to eat if they’re too tired, not tired enough, to hungry, not hungry enough, I race to them, they spit the chicken and rice out yet insist on trying mouthful after mouthful only to continuously spit it on the floor. Who’s the idiot here? It’s gotta be me.

By now Arlo is in full addict withdrawal mode over the idea of eating anything that simply is not ice cream.

2 hours of cooking, $40 worth of food and not one single mouthful in one of the little turds tummies.

I scoop up the rice from the floor and begin to eat it myself. Wtf? Because for some reason I think that it is more convenient to eat scraps then to dump them in a bin…If I’m going to gain a consistent 1kg a week could it at least be on something that I enjoy more then spat out dog hair covered rice.

Bill walks in, looks at dinner and managers the inspiring sentence “is that it?”

I poured myself a big fat straight vodka, adjusted the crown And haven’t cooked since. πŸ‘‘πŸ‘Š

❀️ Con

66 Comments
  1. Profile photo of veggiemama
    veggiemama 1 year ago

    Hahah I feel ya. There are very few things my kids will eat without complaint, and there’s usually tears or some other bullshit every night. Pass the vodka…

  2. Profile photo of kerrinish
    kerrinish 1 year ago

    Each of my 5 kids’ favourite meals is specifically hated by a different kid. I can literally never win. It’s great. Pass the vodka!!

    • Profile photo of stef
      stef 1 year ago

      I have a 2 year old who wants nothing but ice cream for tea every night and a 1 year old who will eat most things. I refuse to cook n leave it up to the hubby just so he can deal with the tantrums n the food throwing n me we’ll I will have wat ever I can find in the fridge at midnight once everyones asleep safe to say the vodka is perminetly attached to me hahahah

  3. Profile photo of Vanessa
    Vanessa 1 year ago

    I have four kids, there is not a single meal that all of them will eat with out complaint. Chicken parmigian is about as close as I get because some don’t like sauce others don’t want cheese. Even broccoli (which I can’t stand) that is the ONLY vegetable that they all agree on, half like it cooked, the other half raw, one only likes the top, another only the bottom. I stopped cooking about 2 weeks ago. Eff ’em. The can have pop tarts and frozen pizza. I’m gonna need a bigger glass, cheers! πŸ˜‰

  4. Profile photo of Jloren
    Jloren 1 year ago

    I only have the hubby to deal with but sometimes that is just enough. We’d be so poor, or fat if I wasn’t the one constantly cleaning out the fridge and forcing him to eat salad because I’m trying to use up all the dribs and drabs. I too go on strike every now and then however that usually means we end up eating a lot of take-away and then he complains that there’s no money in the bank. I also go on strike after weeks of doing all the dishes but I’ve half solved that problem with the introduction of the dishwasher.

  5. Profile photo of Anna Pratt
    Anna Pratt 1 year ago

    I get “I don’t like that” when I mention what dinner is. She hasn’t even tried it!!

  6. Profile photo of Petie
    Petie 1 year ago

    In our house, we have a child who is potentially ASD child who can’t stand anything with a runny consistency. A fussy hubby who hates pasta or rice and a daughter who loves everything sweet. Me I just now have nights where I say. Steaks in the fridge for you and Jack, I’m having eggs on toast. I officially hate cooking dinner!! πŸ‘Š

    I have moments where I swear I could curl in a ball and rock back and forth!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  7. Profile photo of Riana
    Riana 1 year ago

    Yep!

  8. Profile photo of Jodie
    Jodie 1 year ago

    Ha. Ditto. My son has autism and only eats specific foods like pie and sausages. Trying to get him to eat or try anything is a right pain in the ass. Ew yuk he says. Even when I give him food he does eat its ew yuk. I just say fine. Go to bed hungry.

    Live yr blog and fb page btw. X

  9. Profile photo of Hayley
    Hayley 1 year ago

    I am so over cooking dinner! Should just make them fend for themselves…..

  10. Profile photo of Lennie
    Lennie 1 year ago

    This is perfect for me to read after the dinner I cooked for hubs and bubs. Didn’t make a large meal cause I wasn’t hungry but it was not large enough for hubs and bubs wanted nothing to do with it. Just turned 2 and overnight he has become an even bigger butthead. Ugh… At least I have birthday cake.

  11. Profile photo of Queen Claudi
    Queen Claudi 1 year ago

    My hubby does all the cooking, it’s survival of the fittest in our house! He has 2 options, take it or leave it. Sometimes they take it, sometimes they leave it. We console ourselves with the thought that if they were starving, they would eat. πŸ’œ

  12. Profile photo of Alicia O'Brien
    Alicia O'Brien 1 year ago

    I love to cook, I am good at cooking. My mantra is, and by this time I am queen cranky pants, I don’t care if you don’t eat it, just don’t whinge about it! One day they will long for and yell from the rooftops about mums cooking, just not now… Little arseholes x

  13. Profile photo of Jo
    Jo 1 year ago

    Oh yeah, I hear you. i wish I could tell you it gets easier but my eldest is 17 and the fussiest.

  14. Profile photo of Queen Sarah
    Queen Sarah 1 year ago

    My son “hates dinner” too. Anything except plain pasta and his own boogies.

  15. Profile photo of Lisa1980
    Lisa1980 1 year ago

    I’m reading this as I make Zuccini slice with ‘hidden veggies’ and Anzac cookies in the hope of my little treasure actually eating something other than tiny teddies. What’s the bet she spies those frigging vegetables and spits out the Anzacs!

  16. Profile photo of jo foy
    jo foy 1 year ago

    Mine are currantly eating salty crackers for lunch, all washed down with frozen coke at Adventure world!

  17. Profile photo of kara
    kara 1 year ago

    I love ready all your stuff makes me feel normal… THANKYOU!!

  18. Profile photo of Gina R
    Gina R 1 year ago

    I have three kids and none of them like the same meal. Also the little sods will eat something one time, so i make it again (idiot!) Only for them to declare they “don’t like it”. After reading your blog plus the comments i can only conclude that this is normal. Damn it.

  19. Profile photo of Leanne
    Leanne 1 year ago

    My son claims not to like most foods outside of the small handful of meals he has declared acceptable, despite eating practically anything his Nan puts in front of him because ‘she must use different stuff.’ She doesn’t. It’s infuriating.

  20. Profile photo of Kel
    Kel 1 year ago

    Brilliant read yet again!

  21. Profile photo of Sam
    Sam 1 year ago

    Pretty much every meal time in our house is like this. I often wonder why I don’t just prepare the meal then Hoover it straight up off the kitchen table, cut out the faff of losing it with the kids, then getting on my hands and knees and picking up semi-chewed food.

  22. Profile photo of Princess Tam
    Princess Tam 1 year ago

    My husband was the one that pointed out to me that I was running myself ragged at meal times, I was cooking 3 different meals for the kids and Hubby and I was slowly killing myself doing it. It had to stop! So I did, I make one meal now and if they (Hubby included) don’t eat it then they can go hungry because I spend enough time making good, shopping for the food etc to give a crap anymore! Lol

  23. Profile photo of kelbel
    kelbel 1 year ago

    Love how you tell it like it is. I feel your pain….. Gosh how I hated mealtimes! Every meal meant another fussy drama and no wonder we pack on the kilos when we are munchin’ on the “leftovers” that aren’t even leftovers yet! Bloody frustrating!

  24. Profile photo of cookmond
    cookmond 1 year ago

    Hell my son’s 17 yrs and he’s still bloody fussy! Maybe he wouldn’t be so much if he had to pay for the food he eats…

  25. Profile photo of Lissy Jones-Jones
    Lissy Jones-Jones 1 year ago

    My Aunty has 7 kids.. she said one night after cooking she asked them all to help wash up.. they said ‘Nope. Dad’s not here….’
    (cue red flag to a fucking bull lady!!!!)… She reckons she grabbed all of their plates. Smashed them all on the floor, smashed everything on the bench. And just because the rage was so great, proceeded to get the sauce bottles (tomato, BBQ etc) and squirt contents over all of the kitchen cupboards. Anything she could get her hands on got smashed, squirted or thrown… Then she just screamed “CLEAN IT UUUUUPPPPPP!!!!!” and walked out– which of course, they did, and they never spoke of it again #legend #everymumhasthoughtofdoingit

  26. Profile photo of renee
    renee 1 year ago

    Yep I hear u I give up here to,i have 4 kids the 8 year old only eats fruit,2 min noodles and sandwiches or hot chips she won’t eat anything else,15 year old is a fussy ungreatful eater who turns her nose up at everything and wants me to buy her own separate made up concoction on the night that often adds up to $15 on just her meal ,now I tell her if she won’t have what I cook then starve or save up her own money,the other 2 are pretty adjustable they are 13,7, hubby don’t like chicken,or anything with bones,or salads or vegetables the list goes on,grr quiet often it’s been eat what u want to eat and get it yourself except for the non fussy eaters who except and eat what i am cooking sick of spending $$ on tea for no one to eat it

  27. Profile photo of Belinda
    Belinda 1 year ago

    Yep I hear ya! Master 11 will not eat meat that has fat, sinue or anything that resembles moist. Will only eat raw carrot and lettuce and complains constantly about them. If I let him he would live off of a Kilo of cheese and a loaf of bread each day. Miss 9 eats Beetroot, Gherkins and cherry tomatoes, yet eats meat like a Dog! Miss 7 eats most things but refuses to sit while eating and each yesterdays favourite is todays worst food. His Lordship generally responses like Bill. I HATE MEAL TIMES, I HATE COOKING. And go out for food with my Queens every chance I get … coz I loves food. πŸ˜‰

  28. Profile photo of Adele
    Adele 1 year ago

    I end up making 4 different meals every night, so sick of the shit, I have quit cooking for one of the days and make other half buy takeout or I let them starve. Would say pass the vodka but it’s permanently attached to my hand every night!! Xx

  29. Profile photo of Jenny
    Jenny 1 year ago

    Brilliant i was reading in the gym (only go to escape my house) people were looking at me while i laughed on the crosstrainer!! X

  30. Profile photo of Rachel
    Rachel 1 year ago

    My small 1 3yrs will only eat pasta with every meal atm, sausage and mash nope pasta SAUSAGE AND PASTA who eats pasta with a sausage!! He likes cheese lots of cheese but any meat other than a sausage is a no go. We have to play the just eat 2 bits and u can have a pudding, the small 1 has probz missed out all but 1 pudding already this week. My big 1 4yrs is smart he know to eat dinner gets himself a jam tart but he’s veg fussy no green beans no broccoli just peas and corn, cue the stressed mother fishing veg out as its served up just so the big 1 stays quiet. Also the big 1 doesn’t eat cheese he’s a fresh tomato fan so 1 has cheese and 1 has toms. That’s tooooooooo much prep time in my eyes and they are normally served up with a jam sandwich JAM NOT HAM OR CHEESE as we don’t like our cheese between bread fgs!!!! While the “man” of the house doesn’t moan about my cooking we do tend to have him stand guard as the cutlery police as both children enjoy eating with fingers and the “man” doesn’t like finger eating!! PASS THE VODKA QUEENS!!

  31. Profile photo of Raeleen
    Raeleen 1 year ago

    Hahah this was me tonight I tried to get the 4 turds to eat salad. ..what was I thinking

  32. Profile photo of Evamaria
    Evamaria 1 year ago

    haha . i refused to cook tonight, basically because my daughter took mince out this morning before i left for work and once mince comes out it means spag bog. but i hate spag bog. yup i know, i must be the only wog in the world who hates spag bog. so instead i had 2 rounds of peanut butter sandwiches and half a bag of nestle dark melts.

  33. Profile photo of MJ
    MJ 1 year ago

    Wow…I just refuse to do fussy teenage eaters…only my 17 year old left at home now . I tell him what I’m cooking ask if he wants it, if he doesn’t, its ‘get your own’ night! But I think I was pretty lucky with mine, they all ate just about everything quite happily ….that doesn’t mean there wasn’t more than 1 meal thrown against the wall…but that was from the ex and a whole other topic!!

  34. Profile photo of Queen hazel
    Queen hazel 1 year ago

    yes yes yes…..if that vodka is still doing the rounds, I’ll have a swig!!

  35. Profile photo of Joanna
    Joanna 1 year ago

    Some days, I just text the hubby before he gets home from work, “there’s no dinner.”

  36. Profile photo of Suz
    Suz 1 year ago

    I know the twins are too young now but these words changed my life when my girls were about 4 & 7…….. “You don’t have to eat it.” I would put their dinner on the table with mine and when they started that’s all I would say then I would eat mine! I had no emotional investment in what they chose to eat or not eat! And it worked! They now eat most and leave what they really don’t want, which by the way changes regularly, and I still say “you don’t have to eat it”

  37. Profile photo of HRH Hayley Stevens
    HRH Hayley Stevens 1 year ago

    I have a firm rule – I cook, you eat. If you don’t eat you starve. The end πŸ™‚
    I then feel guilty for letting my child go hungry and give him toast or something equally nutritional… saaaaake xx

  38. Profile photo of Farah
    Farah 1 year ago

    For my two year old, I cook in bulk ( Tuna pasta, egg pasta, rice and chicken etc). Then I pack them in single serving containers. I give him options at dinner and defrost his choice. This way, he has a choice and it’s already prepared. Saves me lots of time!

  39. Profile photo of Rose hedy
    Rose hedy 1 year ago

    That’s fuckin hard core mothering right there. Eating the food off the floor. I commend you woman. I could not do that.

  40. Profile photo of Tamara'lee
    Tamara'lee 1 year ago

    I went out last night – for 3hrs. It was the first time I have been kid free for nearly 2yrs. The requirements for that I slaved over a hot stove yesterday in 40 degree heat to cook the kids their favorite dinner and a no brainer for the S.o . All while fighting with him ovef the fact that this Queen was leaving the damn house. I even put the dinner in the girls bowls so that he didnt even have to dish up! I came home to food left in bowls thrown in the sink…. arse! Oh and he didnt put a nappy on one of the girls so I was also changing bedding and bathing at stupid o’clock… whyyyyyyy!

  41. Profile photo of Paige
    Paige 1 year ago

    I hear ya. The ‘bits’ thing drives me nuts. I used to make veggie bean soup with all kinds of stuff in it, but child would complain about the bits. Now I throw the whole thing in the blender (except the beans which he’s ok with) and voila! No more bits but still all the veggies. If he finds one unacceptable thing on his plate, he won’t eat the rest and wants granola bars instead. argh

  42. Profile photo of Queen Nessie
    Queen Nessie 1 year ago

    Yes This!
    Pass the vodka!

  43. Profile photo of Kristy
    Kristy 1 year ago

    Professional quick oats chef dinner here

  44. Profile photo of Queen Robyn
    Queen Robyn 1 year ago

    Bacon and egg sandwiches rule in our house!

  45. Profile photo of Sandra Van Kempen
    Sandra Van Kempen 1 year ago

    You know what I love about you Constance? is your ability to write down what your thoughts, feelings and emotions are… You must have an amazing brain….you are able to capture and describe the exact thing you are feeling…. it then opens the doors for others to say ….. ‘hy!!!! I felt just like that, or geez!!! that could have been me’
    I read your blogs and I am just constantly amazed and wow’d. I reckon one day we will see a book from you… ever so proud to know you … x

  46. Profile photo of Emily Jane
    Emily Jane 1 year ago

    #storyofmylife -_-

  47. Profile photo of teneille
    teneille 1 year ago

    Me every night with my (3year old) daughter!!!

  48. Profile photo of Rayns
    Rayns 1 year ago

    I have one that doesn’t eat anything in the colour orange-she doesn’t like the colour. No fruit and vegetables besides peas and corn, her ideal meal is a t bone with chips and runny fried eggs-with ORANGE YOLK πŸ˜– (I swear she’s a confused cave woman)

    1 son that refuses to eat meat unless it’s smoked salmon, salami, or cabanossi (posh little pallet) pfft. He’s dreaming

    And one that would eat everything including what everyother child doesn’t and when I tell him that enough is enough chucks a ridiculous hullabaloo because he’s just starving-his name should’ve been Dyson

    And I get looked at like I’m a crazy person

  49. Profile photo of Chris
    Chris 1 year ago

    Omg, so many different families and dynamics,yet all the queens of the house have the same battles which only vodka seems to tameπŸ˜„πŸ˜„

  50. Profile photo of Mel
    Mel 1 year ago

    Loved reading all these post πŸ˜‚
    Glad we are all suffering together on this one too!
    πŸ‘ŠπŸ½πŸ‘ΈπŸ»πŸ‘‘πŸΎ

  51. Profile photo of saggytitts
    saggytitts 1 year ago

    we ate onion rings every night for two weeks straight, sometimes with chicken fingers, sometimes with fish fingers,,,,big platter with raw veg (nothing touching anything else,) god forbit the tomatoes touch the cucumber ffs….I am surprised our house didnt float away like a hot air balloon…ive spent a fortnight wishing I owned a gas mask, my own arse has been offending me.

    • Profile photo of saggytitts
      saggytitts 1 year ago

      bugger look at all the spelling and grammer fuck ups omg im so sad lol ill blame the chicken soup. thats in front of the keyboard

  52. Profile photo of Shelle
    Shelle 1 year ago

    Hahaha! I guess the dog hair added protein? My little one is nearly 17 years old now. Her taste buds change constantly. So I will make her favorite meal from last week as a sort of thoughtful I love you only to be confused when she seems upset and won’t eat it. She will then tell me she never really liked it – only told me that to avoid hurting my feelings.

  53. Profile photo of Alicia
    Alicia 1 year ago

    I try to cook things that my 3 girls like, but guaranteed 1 will change their mind and hate it, but I just say you don’t want it there’s bread there make yourself a sandwich. End of story I’m over trying to workout what they want and absolutely hate cooking. Pass the vodka please

  54. Profile photo of cmyates
    cmyates 1 year ago

    Years ago, i lived in Denmark WA and raised my kids there as a single parent. Dinners were such events as at that time, i was into only organic foods, making my own butter and fresh bread and god knows what else as a dippy hippy I was at that point (while also running a business). My kids never knew how good they had it, and would come in to eat nagging and bitching about the food on the table that I would slave over. One arvo, they came in with their nagging and bitching as usual, and it reached such a crescendo that i walked up to the table, placed my hands on the edge and flipped the whole thing on its side, food flying everywhere, sticking to the wall, plates breaking to the stunned silence of my kids. I said ‘Mummy is having a time out now” and went to my room to sulk. Silence fell on the house and when i emerged from my room hours later, the kitchen was spotless and the kids were quietly behaving themselves. Never did they complain about dinner again.

  55. Profile photo of Tanya
    Tanya 1 year ago

    Oh my Gosh! I could’ve cried reading this! I’m not alone!! My nearly 6 year old twins will eat hardly anything. It is doing my head in. Everynight: ‘What’s for dinner?’ I tell them what it is – ‘Yuck! We hate that!’ So we argue while I’m cooking, then spend the next hour n a half fighting with them to eat something – Anything! They cry they yell. In turn my husband and i usually end up in a fight and i end up crying. Dinner time sucks!!! Can’t we just skip that part of the day, please?! Please?!

  56. Profile photo of TerriLynne
    TerriLynne 1 year ago

    Every night is like that!!! Last night I was going to make Mexican rice with ground beef and mixed veggies all mixed together my kids all love it … My s.o not so much …. He bitched that I was going to ruin the meat and caused a scene…. Ended up making burgers (my s.or favourite) for them and my S.o didn’t even eat!!!!

  57. Profile photo of Marion
    Marion 1 year ago

    Holy shit I hear ya. I can’t even get the amount of vegemite on toast correct. This was the straw that broke the camels back. Turns out miss 9 is a dab hand in the kitchen when she wants to be. The dinner was delicious, and I only considered for a minute telling her it was disgusting and I wouldn’t eat it.

  58. Profile photo of Deb Wiese
    Deb Wiese 1 year ago

    My kids are grown now but raising those two was a challange. Would not eat the same thing ever.. I must be a glutton for punishment I have been remarried for 2 years and now have a 11 yr old to raise thought I was past raising kids at 53. But I at least have done it before so now I just rely on my past to do my best. Seems to be working. Funny how I quit drinking about the time my son left home .LOL Now wondering if its time to start again!

  59. Profile photo of Bec
    Bec 12 months ago

    I am not alone. I almost went on strike last night. My son would live in chicken dinosaurs and 2 minute noodles if I let him. Spaghetti bolognaese again tonight, don’t fucking care if they’re sick of it. At least it gets eaten. Like I have nothing better to do then cook on a stinking hot day only to throw it out later 😐

  60. Profile photo of Tearainy
    Tearainy 11 months ago

    I only cook once a week or so….. I’ve been on kitchen strike for about 4 months…. Lots of Chinese, Thai and Indian food lol

  61. Profile photo of NIcole
    NIcole 5 months ago

    We have three lovely boys. 15year old will eat whatever I cook. quote “I don’t always like what mum cooks, but she makes the effort for us.” This is normally to the 12year old who complains about every meal we serve him. To the point that he made a speech on Father’s day to my dad, about how good he cooks, unlike he’s mother. πŸ™‚ Last but not least my 3year old will only eat pies, fish fingers, sausages and of course anything full of sugar. My rules are eat it or miss out. I am here to supply healthy food for you boys, but I will not cook 4 different meals. Partner says the same thing when its he’s turn to cook.

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