It is not your fault that I just stubbed my fucking toe.
You must vow, to work on your moods in the mornings.
I vow to stop ignoring your morning glories. I can’t promise that I will give it my pleasure paddock, but I will stop crushing it’s mighty spirit by not flinching when it pokes me in the back.
You must vow to physically touch me in a non sexually way, every single day. You know I’m cuddly, I know your not. I’m sick of my only physical contact coming from someone under 10 who has snot on their fingers.
I vow to ignore 2 shitty things you say every day. If you say more then 2 I’m pulling you on it.
You must vow to never question how much money I spend, queens need what queens need. Some days I need a lot, some days I need nothing.
I vow to stop comparing you to my friends husbands, I know they have their wanker sides too. You all have different strengths and different wanker sides.
You must vow to start changing the sheets. Changing linen is ruining my life. I could even give you head if you did the bed.
I vow to wait at least half an hour after any given argument before I group text all the girls every detail of your arseholiness.
You must vow to value my role, I am not a money earner at the moment, but without my job we would have nothing worth earning money for.
I vow to laugh at your jokes, it not hard. You called me Cunstance last night, I could have gotten mad but I laughed, it was funny. I married you because your funny.
You must vow to stop telling me I can’t dance. I can dance, I have moves babe.
I vow to think of 3 things at the end of every day that I am grateful you did during that day, like work hard, get up earlier then me for the baby and not die. I will try to focus on the things you did instead of those you didn’t.
You must vow to hang around for a hug after a shag. Your primal urge to disappear needs to be controlled, we are married, we share a home and 4 kids. There is nowhere to run babe.