I vow to..

After so much time, ups, downs and life changes, I thought it was time to write some new vows.

I vow to stop blaming you for everything.


It is not your fault that I just stubbed my fucking toe.

You must vow, to work on your moods in the mornings.

I vow to stop ignoring your morning glories. I can’t promise that I will give it my pleasure paddock, but I will stop crushing it’s mighty spirit by not flinching when it pokes me in the back.

You must vow to physically touch me in a non sexually way, every single day. You know I’m cuddly, I know your not. I’m sick of my only physical contact coming from someone under 10 who has snot on their fingers.

I vow to ignore 2 shitty things you say every day. If you say more then 2 I’m pulling you on it.

You must vow to never question how much money I spend, queens need what queens need. Some days I need a lot, some days I need nothing.

I vow to stop comparing you to my friends husbands, I know they have their wanker sides too. You all have different strengths and different wanker sides.

You must vow to start changing the sheets. Changing linen is ruining my life. I could even give you head if you did the bed.

I vow to wait at least half an hour after any given argument before I group text all the girls every detail of your arseholiness.

You must vow to value my role, I am not a money earner at the moment, but without my job we would have nothing worth earning money for.

I vow to laugh at your jokes, it not hard. You called me Cunstance last night, I could have gotten mad but I laughed, it was funny. I married you because your funny.

You must vow to stop telling me I can’t dance. I can dance, I have moves babe.

I vow to think of 3 things at the end of every day that I am grateful you did during that day, like work hard, get up earlier then me for the baby and not die. I will try to focus on the things you did instead of those you didn’t.

You must vow to hang around for a hug after a shag. Your primal urge to disappear needs to be controlled, we are married, we share a home and 4 kids. There is nowhere to run babe.

  1. Profile photo of Annabel
    Annabel 1 year ago

    Totally agree with this! Well said 😛

  2. Profile photo of Juanita
    Juanita 1 year ago


  3. Profile photo of Leigh
    Leigh 1 year ago

    I so need a print out of these on my fridge! My husband has done the usual and typical man thing since we had our beautiful princess (she doesn’t get queen status till she can bitch with momma and wipe her own butt! I can hold out on the wine sharing for a few years yet! Lol) he has withdrawn. I’m busy being a fucking queen and he’s busy treating me like a ski! Since i discovered you and your amazing pearls of fucking wisdom I’m slowly but surely kicking both our butt into shape! I’m feeling pretty isolated as Queens seem to be thin on the ground over here in the uk. But with your hilarity I’m definitely getting there! Constance you fucking rock! Thanks so much for being honest and making me feel less like a psycho freak! Much love!!!

  4. Profile photo of Fiona
    Fiona 1 year ago

    This is one of my favourites shared it with my hubby. I’m so glad you just say exactly how you feel!! When I was suffering PND I joined a support group it felt really good to say “I don’t want anything bad to happen to my baby.I just made a mistake in having him “and that those girls didn’t bat an eyelid when I felt like a monster was the best medicine ever,just knowing someone else feels exactly the same way.
    I wish we were all brave enough to do that.

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