Getting Out

Bill and I had only just gotten back together for a few months when I fell pregnant with the twins. I look back on that year as the worst year of my life. So depressing.

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Still working things out our relationship was 1 step forward and 2 steps back and when I’m pregnant I can’t rationalise, I’m not even a very good rationaliser when I’m not. I cried every day, we lost our connection and I lost my shit.

I was so depressed, I even sent my bestie a message that contained the words

“wish I was dead” it was meant to be a bit jokey but besties know best. She was worried.
One day I had my mum look after the kids so that I could stay in bed and cry/stare at the wall/cry again/eat/cry, I decided to lug my sorry arse to the doctor and get a referral to a psych.
Best thing I ever did.

Juliana #anotherqueen, my new psych became my god.
She told me, that I was quite deeply co-dependant, or something like that, I wasn’t really listening, I was too busy thinking to myself
“I love this women so much, I hope she never retires, what will I do if she retires? I’ll find her at her home, where does she live?”

#codepentanciesabitch
She taught me to stop dwelling on what was wrong, stop thinking about the future. Make today’s happiness and calmness my priority. The future can wait until then.
1 thing that stood out for me during my time with my gorgeous queen psych that I want to share with any of my queens who are feeling lonely or miserable or like the funny, sexy guy they fell for is now an arrogant, mean wank stain.
Socialise, away from your home.
Even when you really don’t feel like it.

Make yourself get out of the house and force one of your friends, (I say friends not family because of all the pressures and responsibilities families come with) call a queen to have a coffee, or a picnic, or a walk on the beach with you, or come to the park with you while you drink a bottle of vodka and flash your tits to on coming traffic, whatevs. Even if you really can not be fucked. Do it.

It sounds so simple, but it literally saved my life.
Socialising online is not enough, face to face is therapeutic, it calms your soul, it gives you energy, it gets you out of the four walls.

Something really magic happens when 2 or more queens get together, through support and laughter.

Aim for once a day, make it your priority, before everything else, you will have nothing left to give if you don’t prioritise your mental state.
Call a queen. If you don’t have a queen to call, write in the comment section your suburb and see if there’s a queen who can come and grab a coffee with you. Let’s tell loneliness to chomp on a big fat dick, together.
I’m in Fremantle WA if you need a queen!!

#queensofconstance  #likeaqueen

8 Comments
  1. Profile photo of Annabel
    Annabel 12 months ago

    Love the pic! Looks like fun : )

  2. Profile photo of Evamaria
    Evamaria 11 months ago

    but what do u do when you literally have no friends you can call? my closest friends are my “best friend” of 17 yrs who is so self absorbed, too lazy to leave the house because its too hard or complains her partner wont mind his own kids. my other “friend” is my ex hubbys wife who i feel like i have to watch everything i say in case she uses it against me in some way or another. i work full time, have demanding kids and a demanding hubby and just have no idea how to make friends anymore 🙁

  3. Profile photo of Karla
    Karla 11 months ago

    Finding your blog has been an actual miracle! I’ve read every post this morning as I woke up and because things are shit and I distract myself with social media my instant reaction was to pick up my phone to try and numb the overwhelming sadness that keeps threatening to drown me. I’ve cried so much in a really healing way this morning as some of your stuff resonated with the part of me that lacks self forgiveness, I love how forgiving you are of yourself and it brought me to grieve for the part of me who was never free enough to make mistakes as a child because I felt I wouldn’t be loved. I’ve always struggled to reach out to friends and have endured some pretty traumatic stuff without even my closest friends having the faintest idea but thanks to building an amazing relationship with my counsellor I’m getting better. This blog in particular prompted me to acknowledge how tired I am of trying to cope alone and I called my friend this morning just to cry down the phone. I had a huge not in my stomach beforehand and I wouldn’t have called had I not read this. Authenticity is the most beautiful trait, high five yours! I hope I can offer myself and my son the very same forgiveness that you seem to have in abundance. Keeping rocking your shit! Queens rule 👑❤️👑

  4. Profile photo of saggytitts
    saggytitts 11 months ago

    I wish I had friends, I dont seem to be able to maintain friendships, I either irritate them and they dont hang around, or I get taken advantage of , I thought I had a bestie, I grew up next to her in our teens, but found out eventually I was simply being used when no one else was available or simply tolerated, they had no real affection for me at all…but my sister, the beautiful and together popular one she loved, she keeps in touch with all of her old friends even my sister but no me….and I was the one who stood by her and gave her santuary when she found herself in an abusive relationship, When my first love broke up with me, he was her freind also, still is…I was alone, no one to talk too, no ones shoulder to lean on for five mins, no one…I have had to become completely emotionally self reliant, no one to talk to when hubby and I are having issues, no one to sound off to work out which of us is being unreasonable, no one to hug me when stuff is too much, no one…I have to suck it up and be the strong one too look after my family, Its a fekking miracle that I found another loner who saw something worth sticking around for and to breed with me….I am soooo incredibly thankful that my kids seem not to have suffered the same social awkwardness as me and have loads of friends, except my eldest autistic girl…she has one..one brilliant queen who has stood by her for years but is now working so has little time to hang like she used too….I dont know why its so hard for some of us who have so much love to give friends but never manage to get any to give it too…Im caring , considerate, loyal, but unfortunately apparently not likable. hugs to anyone in the same club as me, and if your not and you have lots of friends, cherish them they are gold

  5. Profile photo of Samantha
    Samantha 11 months ago

    I don’t have kids but can I still join the Queen club because at the moment I could sure do with some ‘Queenage’ for support.

  6. Profile photo of ♕ Raquel ♕
    ♕ Raquel ♕ 11 months ago

    I have friends, but they work horrible shifts or have their own bundle of…. joy, let’s say joy.
    I am.friends with my antenatal classes mums, but to be honest, I really cannot be arsed getting dressed and leaving the house. It is difficult, it takes forever, and, most days is raining. Anyone else from Edinburgh?

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