Cheaters

Having read one or 2 of my posts mentioning that my husband and I have both cheated in our marriage.

con-n-bill

Quite a few people have privately messaged me asking for advice on getting over an indiscretion in a relationship.

So I thought I’d post some tips here on the off chance that it might help someone in need.

Cheatee,
Don’t make your decision on whether or not to stay straight away, you’re hurting, your rock has crumbled, resist the urge to grab hold of your partner and squeeze tightly in a desperate attempt to regain the life you had the day before you found out. Also resist the urge to make a final decision that it’s over straight away, your not thinking straight, you can’t even breath properly right now, your in no state to make big decisions.

Cheater,
Don’t just be sorry, saying sorry means jack shit to someone who has been cheated on, you need to put yourself in your partner’s shoes, prove to them that you understand what you did to them, understand their agony.

Cheatee,
Find out what you need to know, on a broader spectrum, don’t find out unnecessary details, they will haunt you, you deserve more than to be haunted.

Cheater,
No contact ever again with said human you cheated on. That is not negotiable, suggesting otherwise will prove to everyone that you are a fuck wit, but you’re not a fuck wit, you just did a fuck wit thing.

Cheatee,
Friends friends friends. Tea, wine, Valium. Friends.

Cheater,
Prepare yourself, pain has ways of relapsing, just when you feel like you have paid your dues you partner might hate you again out of the blue, like
“oh look at that pretty rainbow!”
“Actually it kind of reminds me of how much of a massive cunt you are”

Cheetee,
You’re not allowed to punish your partner forever, you’re allowed to leave them and hate them forever and make all your friends hate them, but if you have made the decision to stay, you need to be responsible for how your brain processes what’s happened. Sometimes the pain pops up into your brain, indulging it gives it life again, lets it into your relationship again. Throw it away, fuck it off, distract yourself straight away, it has not place in your head.

Cheater,
There is only so much punishment you deserve and can handle, if over 6 months have passed and your partner isn’t able to get over it then you need to make a tough decision, because what you did was terrible and wrong, however everyone deserves a second chance, you deserve a second chance, you deserve to be right again, to be loved again, if this relationship is too damaged you need to know when to walk away. You need to forgive yourself.

It’s a steaming turd of a road to walk down, in some cases it’s just time to call it quits.
I believe it you can pull through it’s time to reevaluate everything, rebuild the entire infrastructure of the relationship, find out why it happened, learn how to love and appreciate each other properly all over again, fall in love again.
I believe it’s possible to succeed in life after cheating. I believe you can be happier than before after facing this monumental test.
I believe in love.

9 Comments
  1. Profile photo of Desma Gill
    Desma Gill 9 months ago

    As the Cheated I whole heartedly agree with everything you have said. 11 years on since the said affair and we couldn’t be happier

  2. Profile photo of Lisa
    Lisa 9 months ago

    Im glad someone who tells it like it is has put something into words that i can understand with being a recent cheetee of a realtionship of 13yrs and 3 children youngest 3 months and have decided i wanna try and stay

  3. Profile photo of amyLou
    amyLou 9 months ago

    I did the cheating on my husband we had only been married 4 years. But, he was abusive to me and controlling and whilst this is no excuse for doing what I did. I happened to fall in love with the man I had the discretion with at the time all we did was kiss and hold hands and so I ended it then and there with my husband. My now partner gave me my wings back I was so down trodden and a shadow of my former self. Now I’m stronger than ever and so loved l also have a gorgeous little boy with my now partner. He saved me. Even though my husband abused me I still felt guilty and fesses up. It’s why I will never judge anybody for cheating.
    X

  4. Profile photo of Leisa
    Leisa 9 months ago

    Having being cheated on this January, your words were all the therapy I needed! Even though it was “just a kiss I swear” and ” I was so drunk I don’t even remember what she looked like” blah blah blah it still hurts to this day when I think about it and at times when he’s being really sweet and thoughtful I still have a moment where I want to cock punch him so hard that his balls come out of his fucking nostrils! So thank you Queen Constance, for helping me realise that you can heal and become a better couple for it! You rock woman!💋💋💋

  5. Profile photo of Jamie
    Jamie 8 months ago

    I registered just to comment, as I have wanted to email and ask you about this… As a cheatee, I have never felt more fucked up or alone. Add onto that the two mental illnesses I have been diagnosed with (which my husband took as his cue to leave the state) and it’s not a pretty sight here.
    I read you every day Con, I need your queen shit. You’ve picked me up on some real low days, these last months. So thanks mate

  6. Profile photo of TB77
    TB77 7 months ago

    My husband cheated on me while on a family holiday to his homeland (taking our daughter to meet his family) He confessed when I was 6 months pregnant with our second child. I was devastated, I told him to leave but he wouldn’t and now over a year later we are still constantly fighting, I don’t love him anymore and if it wasn’t for the lack of housing where we live I would have moved out with the kids long ago….I still want him to leave, I don’t see a future for us and I’m really worried about all of this affecting our kids. It sucks! I can’t forgive him, he left me sitting in a flat in a foreign country for 2 months while he was out partying and fucking and I had to let my crazy in laws take our child all the time…it still makes me so mad!

  7. Profile photo of Judy
    Judy 4 months ago

    I was with my ex for 3 years n 6mthns n he cheated on me so we split, before he left me, we were planing to get married in the future, I loved him so much but I became tired of him lying to me every time he opens his mouth, I went into search for help in the internet, I tried many different spells from almost every place locally as well as online and none of them worked, I almost gave up hope because I thought i will never see my lover again forever, one day i saw some testimony about this powerful spell caster Dr Manifest i emailed him and i asked him to help me bring back my lover and he did A Lover Spell for me And after some days, my lover returned back to me I’d like to say that i got a positive result from ([email protected]) ever since i used his love spell, my lover have learned to appreciate me more and more day by day, and he doesn’t take me for granted.

  8. Profile photo of Sara Kent
    Sara Kent 2 months ago

    Just as my instinct had told me, but was too blinded by love…my husband is sleeping with my best friend. O God! He is even in love with her. I even was informed about this by an attendant at one of the grocery stores I patronize, but rebuked her rudely and angrily because I taught she had an eye on my husband. Times went on and days went past…I was living a life of ”blinded by love”. My husband and I have been married for 3 years now and I was surprised when I found out he has been living a ”happily married life” of presence and deceit with me just because of my financial flamboyancy. This was how I found out about them (my husband and my best friend)…There was going to be a dinner for couples that resided in the estate, since it was the estate feast day. But I was down with an unknown illness so I told my husband that we wouldn’t be able to make it to the dinner due to my condition and he agreed (this was on a Monday morning and the dinner was dated for Friday). The next day, I called my dad and complained to him about my illness which the doctor had examined and told me there wasn’t anything wrong with me, of which i knew wasn’t true because I was going through hell inside of my body. My dad told me not to worry and asked me to contact our long time known herbal doctor (Dr. Payo Shalo) (who has been God sent to my family in terms of spiritual help; he helped cure my dad off cancer, my mom off fibroid, my brother was awarded a contract with the world bank, just by his spells) on his email (payospiritsshalospells”AT”yahoo”DOT”com) which I did. I didn’t get a reply from him till Thursday morning which he explained and blamed on his busy schedules with other of his customers that sought spiritual help. We swung into actions with the procedures of getting me cured of this unknown killer disease that was bent on getting rid of my life. I did all I was instructed by the doctor (herbal). On Friday morning, my husband woke up and told me he was going to be away for about 3 days on a business conference. When he left, I contacted the doctor for the final rites. When everything was done, by 1:45pm just as the doctor had promised, I was well again. I called my dad and informed him about this miracle. I went to my parent’s house which I haven’t been able to do in a long while because of the illness…everyone was happy. I was with my parents till evening, and after having dinner with them, I went to bed. Just as I was going to sleep, I got a call from a neighbor in my estate telling me that she could just see my husband with another lady at the estate’s dinner for couples. I couldn’t believe what she was telling me. Immediately, I drove to the venue and my eyes saw my ears… my husband just leaving in his car with my best friend. I couldn’t believe my eyes, so I tailed them for about 15mins and they drove into a hotel…hmmm. I went back to my apartment and without hesitation I called Dr. Payo Shalo and told him of what I just found out. I told him I needed an urgent spell to make my husband develop sudden hatred for my best friend and immediately come back to me as soon as then. The doctor told me what to do, late that night, I got everything done. At about 3:18am on Saturday morning, my door opened. Who is this in my house this early? …My husband? In tears, he is confessing all he had been doing with my best friend and asking me to forgive him and accept him as the husband he used to be … I wept my eyes out. I immediately forgave him for I love him with all my heart. Now, my husband and I are living faithfully to each other and my illness, gone forever. Are you in need of any kind of spiritual, medical, financial help? Please contact Dr. Payo Shalo on the above email address for your rapid solutions. (Re-write the email in its right form)

  9. Profile photo of Melissa Alvin
    Melissa Alvin 3 weeks ago

    Am very happy to tell every one to hear my testimony. Am a Lawyer,this is a story of my love life.I have been married for 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 4months until i met a post where this man DR. LUKAS have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my lover back home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 48hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your lover back to your self.You can contact him with this email address [email protected]} Thank you DR. LUKAS [email protected]

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