Cheaters

Having read one or 2 of my posts mentioning that my husband and I have both cheated in our marriage.

con-n-bill

Quite a few people have privately messaged me asking for advice on getting over an indiscretion in a relationship.

So I thought I’d post some tips here on the off chance that it might help someone in need.

Cheatee,
Don’t make your decision on whether or not to stay straight away, you’re hurting, your rock has crumbled, resist the urge to grab hold of your partner and squeeze tightly in a desperate attempt to regain the life you had the day before you found out. Also resist the urge to make a final decision that it’s over straight away, your not thinking straight, you can’t even breath properly right now, your in no state to make big decisions.

Cheater,
Don’t just be sorry, saying sorry means jack shit to someone who has been cheated on, you need to put yourself in your partner’s shoes, prove to them that you understand what you did to them, understand their agony.

Cheatee,
Find out what you need to know, on a broader spectrum, don’t find out unnecessary details, they will haunt you, you deserve more than to be haunted.

Cheater,
No contact ever again with said human you cheated on. That is not negotiable, suggesting otherwise will prove to everyone that you are a fuck wit, but you’re not a fuck wit, you just did a fuck wit thing.

Cheatee,
Friends friends friends. Tea, wine, Valium. Friends.

Cheater,
Prepare yourself, pain has ways of relapsing, just when you feel like you have paid your dues you partner might hate you again out of the blue, like
“oh look at that pretty rainbow!”
“Actually it kind of reminds me of how much of a massive cunt you are”

Cheetee,
You’re not allowed to punish your partner forever, you’re allowed to leave them and hate them forever and make all your friends hate them, but if you have made the decision to stay, you need to be responsible for how your brain processes what’s happened. Sometimes the pain pops up into your brain, indulging it gives it life again, lets it into your relationship again. Throw it away, fuck it off, distract yourself straight away, it has not place in your head.

Cheater,
There is only so much punishment you deserve and can handle, if over 6 months have passed and your partner isn’t able to get over it then you need to make a tough decision, because what you did was terrible and wrong, however everyone deserves a second chance, you deserve a second chance, you deserve to be right again, to be loved again, if this relationship is too damaged you need to know when to walk away. You need to forgive yourself.

It’s a steaming turd of a road to walk down, in some cases it’s just time to call it quits.
I believe it you can pull through it’s time to reevaluate everything, rebuild the entire infrastructure of the relationship, find out why it happened, learn how to love and appreciate each other properly all over again, fall in love again.
I believe it’s possible to succeed in life after cheating. I believe you can be happier than before after facing this monumental test.
I believe in love.

7 Comments
  1. Profile photo of Desma Gill
    Desma Gill 1 year ago

    As the Cheated I whole heartedly agree with everything you have said. 11 years on since the said affair and we couldn’t be happier

  2. Profile photo of Lisa
    Lisa 1 year ago

    Im glad someone who tells it like it is has put something into words that i can understand with being a recent cheetee of a realtionship of 13yrs and 3 children youngest 3 months and have decided i wanna try and stay

  3. Profile photo of amyLou
    amyLou 1 year ago

    I did the cheating on my husband we had only been married 4 years. But, he was abusive to me and controlling and whilst this is no excuse for doing what I did. I happened to fall in love with the man I had the discretion with at the time all we did was kiss and hold hands and so I ended it then and there with my husband. My now partner gave me my wings back I was so down trodden and a shadow of my former self. Now I’m stronger than ever and so loved l also have a gorgeous little boy with my now partner. He saved me. Even though my husband abused me I still felt guilty and fesses up. It’s why I will never judge anybody for cheating.
    X

  4. Profile photo of Leisa
    Leisa 1 year ago

    Having being cheated on this January, your words were all the therapy I needed! Even though it was “just a kiss I swear” and ” I was so drunk I don’t even remember what she looked like” blah blah blah it still hurts to this day when I think about it and at times when he’s being really sweet and thoughtful I still have a moment where I want to cock punch him so hard that his balls come out of his fucking nostrils! So thank you Queen Constance, for helping me realise that you can heal and become a better couple for it! You rock woman!💋💋💋

  5. Profile photo of Jamie
    Jamie 12 months ago

    I registered just to comment, as I have wanted to email and ask you about this… As a cheatee, I have never felt more fucked up or alone. Add onto that the two mental illnesses I have been diagnosed with (which my husband took as his cue to leave the state) and it’s not a pretty sight here.
    I read you every day Con, I need your queen shit. You’ve picked me up on some real low days, these last months. So thanks mate

  6. Profile photo of TB77
    TB77 10 months ago

    My husband cheated on me while on a family holiday to his homeland (taking our daughter to meet his family) He confessed when I was 6 months pregnant with our second child. I was devastated, I told him to leave but he wouldn’t and now over a year later we are still constantly fighting, I don’t love him anymore and if it wasn’t for the lack of housing where we live I would have moved out with the kids long ago….I still want him to leave, I don’t see a future for us and I’m really worried about all of this affecting our kids. It sucks! I can’t forgive him, he left me sitting in a flat in a foreign country for 2 months while he was out partying and fucking and I had to let my crazy in laws take our child all the time…it still makes me so mad!

  7. Profile photo of Judy
    Judy 7 months ago

    I was with my ex for 3 years n 6mthns n he cheated on me so we split, before he left me, we were planing to get married in the future, I loved him so much but I became tired of him lying to me every time he opens his mouth, I went into search for help in the internet, I tried many different spells from almost every place locally as well as online and none of them worked, I almost gave up hope because I thought i will never see my lover again forever, one day i saw some testimony about this powerful spell caster Dr Manifest i emailed him and i asked him to help me bring back my lover and he did A Lover Spell for me And after some days, my lover returned back to me I’d like to say that i got a positive result from ([email protected]) ever since i used his love spell, my lover have learned to appreciate me more and more day by day, and he doesn’t take me for granted.

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