Quite a few people have privately messaged me asking for advice on getting over an indiscretion in a relationship.
So I thought I’d post some tips here on the off chance that it might help someone in need.
Don’t make your decision on whether or not to stay straight away, you’re hurting, your rock has crumbled, resist the urge to grab hold of your partner and squeeze tightly in a desperate attempt to regain the life you had the day before you found out. Also resist the urge to make a final decision that it’s over straight away, your not thinking straight, you can’t even breath properly right now, your in no state to make big decisions.
Don’t just be sorry, saying sorry means jack shit to someone who has been cheated on, you need to put yourself in your partner’s shoes, prove to them that you understand what you did to them, understand their agony.
Find out what you need to know, on a broader spectrum, don’t find out unnecessary details, they will haunt you, you deserve more than to be haunted.
No contact ever again with said human you cheated on. That is not negotiable, suggesting otherwise will prove to everyone that you are a fuck wit, but you’re not a fuck wit, you just did a fuck wit thing.
Friends friends friends. Tea, wine, Valium. Friends.
Prepare yourself, pain has ways of relapsing, just when you feel like you have paid your dues you partner might hate you again out of the blue, like
“oh look at that pretty rainbow!”
“Actually it kind of reminds me of how much of a massive cunt you are”
You’re not allowed to punish your partner forever, you’re allowed to leave them and hate them forever and make all your friends hate them, but if you have made the decision to stay, you need to be responsible for how your brain processes what’s happened. Sometimes the pain pops up into your brain, indulging it gives it life again, lets it into your relationship again. Throw it away, fuck it off, distract yourself straight away, it has not place in your head.
There is only so much punishment you deserve and can handle, if over 6 months have passed and your partner isn’t able to get over it then you need to make a tough decision, because what you did was terrible and wrong, however everyone deserves a second chance, you deserve a second chance, you deserve to be right again, to be loved again, if this relationship is too damaged you need to know when to walk away. You need to forgive yourself.
It’s a steaming turd of a road to walk down, in some cases it’s just time to call it quits.
I believe it you can pull through it’s time to reevaluate everything, rebuild the entire infrastructure of the relationship, find out why it happened, learn how to love and appreciate each other properly all over again, fall in love again.
I believe it’s possible to succeed in life after cheating. I believe you can be happier than before after facing this monumental test.
I believe in love.