Some Things I Could Have Handled Better

To the me who came before,
To the me who left Art school to work in a fucking clothing shop.

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Don’t. You will get paid $6 an hour there for six months and hate it.

The boss will insinuate that you are too fat to wear the clothes and the bosses wife will constantly accuse you of setting your little fat eyes in to her man. Just don’t.

Painting is forever, colours, drawing, shades, textures will never betray you, there is a different painting waiting for you to complete it every day of your life.

To the me who is sitting in the shower mortified after the guy you are in love with just came in and showed you a chewed up old tampon that his dog just took out of your bin and dropped in the lounge room in front of his loser friends while they watch the footy.

Don’t be embarrassed, women bleed, if we didn’t those stupid immature brats wouldn’t be here today, either would they’re football player idols or the cunt that leads this stupid country. If there is one thing in this world that shouldn’t embarrass you it’s the fact that you bleed. Get out of the shower, be proud.
To the me who had a couple too many abortions.

Good on you for not bringing unwanted babies into this world, you will not regret having these abortions. Now, stop getting pregnant to boys you have just met, this is not a contraception malfunction, I know how desperately you want a boyfriend but take it from the older you, boys would be much more impressed if you had a job or a house or something.. Your functioning ovaries are actually freaking them out. Now get on the pill.
To the me who thought reality TV was a good idea. It was, your a funny little fucker.
To the me who worried that that I was spoiling my baby.

You cannot spoil a baby, there is not enough love, cuddles or breast milk in this world to spoil 1 baby. Do not ever beat yourself up for doing what your hearts telling you to do.

To the me who left my husband and was sleeping with someone else within 2 weeks. Word it however you must, you are cheating, you prepared a cushy place to land when you left the father of your 2 kids. You may not feel guilty right now, you may have created a world that would distract you from what’s really happening but listen to me.

That guy you are with is a loser, you are better then him, he does not care about you or your children. You will get back together with your husband, he and you will have 2 more kids and you will pay and pay and pay for what you are doing now. You will feel every ounce of guilt and shame that you can’t feel now, you will feel it 10 times stronger then you ever imagined possible and it will not go away when you think you are done with.

Get up, go home. Say your sorry.
To the me who’s best friend walked in on her husband in bed with another woman.

I know your hurting, I know the pain is a different kind of pain and I know that only time will cure this.

Don’t put it on Facebook.

Putting it on Facebook along with photo’s of her feel good, it feels like pay back and all the kind comments might take the pain away for a moment.

But imagine the worst case scenario, imagine if that woman who is a mum was already so depressed, that’s why she found herself in this position, imagine if this public humiliation is the last straw, imagine if she had been thinking about killing herself and after you plastered her picture along with her crimes all over Fremantle she decided to do it.

Of course she didn’t, by all means she acted like she couldn’t give a fuck, but you saw it, that twinkle of sadness in her eye, don’t you know what guilt and shame feels like? Forget her, Turn to your 4 babies, babies are forever.

To the me who saw importance in bed time and bedrooms. Kissing, cuddling and sleeping together trumps bedtime and bedrooms. They don’t want to be alone and you don’t want to be alone. It’s not rocket science.

Love always Meeeeeee

6 Comments
  1. Profile photo of Alexandra F
    Alexandra F 1 year ago

    Ahh this is perfection and weirdly I reckon if you and I sat down over a bottle of vodka and played that game where you have to take a shot if you’d done something/experienced something the other mentioned we would both end up in Emergency. Love to you ladypants.

    • Profile photo of Claire
      Claire 1 year ago

      Well hey Alexandra, mind if I join you ladies? Looks like you enjoyed this as much as I did and I’d be willing to wager that it would be one hell of a Never Have I Ever game we’d be playing… !

  2. Profile photo of Claire
    Claire 1 year ago

    This post is amazing. Really moving. Really honest. I feel compelled to let you know, Constance, how much I appreciate this post and the level on which I connect with each of the various issues you brought up in it. It’s actually surprising to me just how muchI related to it. from a writing perspective, I really liked the little threads of different stories that wove together into a larger commentary. I like how it touched on a few different issues, and each were really though-provoking, not to mention super engaging, for me. I relate to SO many of these thoughts… Art. Menstruation. Pro-choice. Cheating. Rebounds. The other woman. I’m trying to avoid writing a novel in response here but I just really want to convey how much I love this, for how closely I relate to it. Definitely not the only story of yours like that, for me.

  3. Profile photo of Nanette
    Nanette 1 year ago

    Words cannot explain how much I relate to this post.
    To the me who left home at the age of 18 because I thought the sexual abuse was my fault and if I spoke up my family would end up destitute because my mother was so dependent on the fucker, speak to a teacher, there were way better decisions to make than moving in with a guy I met two weeks before, falling pregnant and getting married to an absolute asshole because I was scared that my bitch mother wouldn’t have a roof over her head. So many of my regrets are centered around these scenarios. But the two things I don’t regret are now 10 and 12 years old. And it breaks my heart that even though I try to teach them about right and wrong decisions, even though my second husband is the best father my two little freaks will ever know, they will one day look back and have regrets of their own. I’m inviting myself to the drinking game, ladies. Whenever you’re in Cape Town, pop around. The bar is always stocked.

  4. Profile photo of Jade Forbes
    Jade Forbes 1 year ago

    Well Done.. I mean really WELL DONE. It’s taken me so long to learn to value my honesty especially when other people haven’t, it’s always been ‘Jade your so hard on your boyfriends, you’re expectations are too high of people blah blah blah fuck off -I know my truth. You’re blog not only resonates with me -I’ve experienced most of this shit too.. It’s just you’ve got the balls to stand up and and say it, and it actually gives me the courage to do the same 👊🏼🎓

  5. Profile photo of Tigbits
    Tigbits 11 months ago

    Fucking awesome!! Truest words ever… Hindsight is a wonderful thing, so are experience, maturity & making the right decision.
    Granted, we don’t always display these traits in our lives, yeah, we make mistakes, monumental fuck-ups, you name it (believe me, I’ve made each & every single one several times over) but it’s these that make us the super fab Queenies we are today! 💅🏼👑👸🏼💕

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