So How Many Men Have You Banged…

Fighting for equality, fighting for your kids future, recognising the problem and trying desperately not to be part of it.. That’s me.

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Yes I identify myself as a feminist, there is nothing I’m more proud to admit.

Any woman who tells you she doesn’t need feminism….. Well she can thank feminists for that.

So why the fuck have I always felt the need to lie about how many nobs I’ve had the pleasure of coming across? Why did I always resort back to the statement “around 10” (nearly spat out my wine laughing) when asked by a lover how many men I’ve shagged.

A harmless lie…

I’ve lied about how many men I’ve slept with.. Haven’t we all? It’s kind of funny that we can have this soul mate who knows every inch of us and every detail of why we are the people we are today except one thing.. Our sexual past which arguably is a huge part of our lives. At least it’s definitely a relevant part of our lives to the person that we are having a sexual relationship with.

So why the lies? Because we don’t want to look spoilt, we don’t want to look used, if too many other men have been there, it’s not special… It’s not his… anymore.

Of course when a bloke slays vag nightly we laugh, what a hilarious legend bathing in vaginal fluids while smoking a cigar and stroking a little fanny shaped trophy.. The Man.

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Vaginal fluid bathing, reflecting on conquests.

And at the same time, hate their girls sexual past, they hate knowing that another guy has been there. The princess is theirs, mine, not your, I paid good money for her, I didn’t get her off Gumtree!!

Basically if you’ve fucked to many blokes your damaged goods.

Well what if we were to tell you our blokes that we are not goods at all.. A soul doesn’t spoil from evolving through many lives does it? Your vagina can’t spoil….. Natural child births, tampons, Pap smears can’t spoil one so no amount of lustful peanut butter covered orgys can either.

What if I was to tell you that this harmless lie… Hasn’t turned out to be so harmless after all.

That this seemingly innocent role in modern day relationships is actually contributing to a bigger problem.

Australia is in the mist of a crisis of epic proportions. Domestic violence is completely fucked. One woman every week is being murdered by the hands of a man who was supposed to support her, who was supposed to be proud of her, who was supposed to celebrate her safety, her freedom.

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Because they thought they owned her, because they thought her life was theirs to take away, because they thought she was goods, a possession, a trophy that they were done with.

There are these tiny culturally accepted values that are placed on women, that are teaching men to treat us like objects, teaching us to treat ourselves like objects without even knowing.
I don’t think domestic violence will be combatted until these values and fundamental ideals are broken down and rebuild with a completely knew outlook and women’s sexual repression is just one very small part.

Weather you did it for the right reasons or the wrong reasons, it was your journey, it brought you here. You have every right to own your past and be proud of it as any man has.
It’s time for men to accept their partners sexual past, fuck you could even be proud of it..

I am fighting for it.

Thanks for reading xxxxx
Con

22 Comments
  1. Profile photo of Juanita
    Juanita 1 year ago

    What a great post! This is the first blog comment. #1 woo

  2. Profile photo of Melissa R
    Melissa R 1 year ago

    Absolutely amazing and so brutally true!

  3. Profile photo of Rani
    Rani 1 year ago

    I honestly don’t even know the answer to that question. 😂😂 While I am very different these days, my late teens and most of my twenties were pretty “free’n’easy” x

  4. Profile photo of Kez
    Kez 1 year ago

    Yes!

  5. Profile photo of Mali
    Mali 1 year ago

    Loved every word of this post. You are incredible 🙂

  6. Profile photo of Claire
    Claire 1 year ago

    I used to tell boys my “number” was one more than what it actually was because I hated the way I lost my virginity and basically tried to pretend to myself that no, that asshole wasn’t my first, I didn’t lose it that fucking unceremoniously… But I’ve long since realized how pointless that is. No one’s proud of their first time.
    My current boyfriend HATES hearing about my past with other boys, and it isn’t even that long. I on the other hand, want to talk about it; I don’t want to have secrets from eachother, and every now and then we ladies just have to mention how we liked this or that thing we tried with an ex, or mention some other reminder about how this current boy is not the only boy we’ve ever been with, don’t we? I do get why it makes him uncomfortable, and that he doesn’t like to get an image of me sharing a similar intimate moment with someone else, but on the other hand I don’t want to feel compelled to lie or feel bad about my past… I don’t mind hearing about his. It’s not the kind of thing I can just shake out of him either of course, he feels how he feels, but even though I can understand both sides, I wish we women didn’t have to feel ashamed of our past, of experiences and people that made us better, stronger, who we are today.

  7. Profile photo of Claire
    Claire 1 year ago

    Another thing I wanted to mention… About being in the midst of a domestic violence, is it different in Australia than North America? Domestic violence is an ongoing issue but I believe that it is actually slowly getting better? Statistics may not make it seem that way since in the past it was regarded more as the cultural norm and thus was reported much less often (often since nothing would be done about it even if it was… Women WERE viewed as property of a husband, and women couldn’t get raped by them because he had a right to her sexually). I believe it is getting better through awarness and change in mentality, but we’re by no means out of the woods. Not even close, not even close to close. But it is encouraging that hard work is paying off and that if we continue, things can get better and the rate of change can continue to escalate. There are so many women, however, that have actually been brought up culturally to either be too scared to speak up, or to continue to believe that a woman’s place is as her husband’s sex slave, play thing, housekeeper, basically educated by men to advocate misogyny, and they do so much damage combatting the women trying to liberate them. I really hope that as education about domestic abuse and feminism and equality of the sexes continues to spread, that mentality will stay further and further in the past where it belongs. We need women united with eachother, not against eachother, and we need men to feel welcomed to join the cause, not alienated. Many men do feel alienated by feminism but if we can show them that it just means equality, maybe they can stop holding on to the past and realize everything they stand to gain by living side-by-side with women as equals, and end domestic violence by treating them as such.

  8. Profile photo of Nicola
    Nicola 1 year ago

    I absolutely loved this read! I am who I am today because of the past I have and I am super proud I got to experience all of it – no regrets although some very bad lays 🙂

  9. Profile photo of Lady Cog
    Lady Cog 1 year ago

    I’ve had my fair share before the kids and marriage, but that’s my business. I don’t regret it either, I had a damn good time before I settled down. Why let men get pats on the back for having all the notches on their bedpost?! Women get called slags, personally I think its the men that can’t handle the fact we can pull better than them and they’re (usually) shitty chat up lines! 🙅🏼👑 #girlpower xxx

  10. Profile photo of Fabulously Fifty
    Fabulously Fifty 1 year ago

    How else do you think I look this damn good at fifty! 😉

  11. Profile photo of Jody
    Jody 1 year ago

    Fuck yes!!!

  12. Profile photo of Warrior Princess
    Warrior Princess 1 year ago

    As a now married for 10yrs, I regret not banging more in my long single years. I have a decent nob count mind you. I met my hubby at 34yrs. But my advice to other single queens is if you want bang, Bang!! I was concerned it was too early, what people would think of me, would it ruin the future of the relationship. I banged hubby within 24hrs of meeting, so no I don’t think waiting 3 dates helps ( I didn’t for me) go for it girls.

  13. Profile photo of Warrior Princess
    Warrior Princess 1 year ago

    As a now married for 10yrs Queenie, I regret not banging more in my long single years. I have a decent nob count mind you. Met hubby at 34yrs. But my advice to other single queens is if you want bang, Bang!! I was concerned it was too early, what people would think of me, would it ruin the future of the relationship. I banged hubby within 24hrs of meeting, so no I don’t think waiting 3 dates helps ( I didn’t for me) go for it girls.

  14. Profile photo of Belinda
    Belinda 1 year ago

    Im not sure how I feel about this post Con, each Queen to their own, but … Im proud of how few Ive had, that my special places were just that, to be shared with those who earnt it. To some their vagina is a toy and they like to play with it, after all, that is what toys are for 😉 . But to suggest to my girls its ok to share their intimacy with the many is not something I feel comfortable with. I will support them in their decisions and choices, while reminding them too many will use and abuse their free love.

    Love reading your work, Thanks for sharing.

    • Profile photo of T
      T 1 year ago

      I agree with you Belinda, while I would never put anyone down for the choices they’ve made, I want to teach my girls to first love themselves and to make healthy wise decisions regarding them sharing their bodies. Drunken frivolous sex will seem fun at the time, but can have negative consequences and omg it is unlikely I will share my special number with my kiddies..I admire those that choose to wait for love..I wish I had and had someone to teach me that too! I felt pressure as a teen to sleep around..I am glad my children don’t feel that pressure!

  15. Profile photo of ebony
    ebony 1 year ago

    Yeh look honestly I’m not completely sold on this post.. not judging anyone, do what you will.. I am a complete feminist, my bloke calls my mum, my sister and myself the female lynch mob lol!!
    I am also proud of how few I’ve slept with regardless of how many offers!! I’ve had a few one night stands but wouldn’t exactly recommend it to people! not that I think people should be married and all that jazz, everyone has to loose there ‘V’ in an unsacred way or you just never really lived life hahaha. . how ever I don’t think shouting out to be proud of sleeping with plenty of men is the answer either! to the contrary but I HATE men who go round sleeping with heaps of women !! don’t have any interest in them at all! I think personally in your teenage years there should be a few giggles and a few people you just blatantly deny even to your self LOL! but um let’s teach the next generation not to be proud of high numbers but to perhaps learn their worth. . girls and boys

  16. Profile photo of Clarity
    Clarity 12 months ago

    Here’s the thing, you can say to your worried partner, that you can count the number of men you have had on one hand – just don’t tell him how many times you have to raise that hand to show them all…….(words of wisdom from my sister Queen)

  17. Profile photo of HappyEcoMama
    HappyEcoMama 3 months ago

    “Any woman who tells you she doesn’t need feminism….. Well she can thank feminists for that.”

    OMG I love this too much. This is so gonna be my to-go response next time someone shows ingratitude for the century of hard work that suffragettes and feminists have done to give some women the privilege of saying it in the first place

  18. Profile photo of Debz Tongotea
    Debz Tongotea 3 months ago

    Refreshing as fuck Con. Great blog, and one that sits with me very well. Great for men AND women to hear.

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